My happy place is very unhappy right now..

2010-08-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

when i secured myself a seat on that flight bound for Singapore last week, i knew what i was getting myself into. cause leaving after 5 days of bliss was gon be as painful as it was the first time. and yes it was. knowing exactly what it was i was going back to - the solitary life, was simply overwhelming.

there must be a fine line between the solitary life and loneliness. i guess solitude is something you seek, something you choose. loneliness, isn't a way of life. it consumes you and eats you whole. before you know it, loneliness has taken the shape of an entire town, and every intersection has a different anguish waiting to gut you, every street has a dark turn to swallow you up, and everyone you meet carries the same face. his face. white and blank, and you just know his name is Uncertainty.

thought i knew better. thought i would have gotten used to this lifestyle by nw. yes, you must think being away from home, living this life must be all peaches and cream. but it isn't all that. yes, there are the perks and i enjoy that but i'm paying for it. with every ounce of my emotions i pay. there are days i wonder if i'm made for this, if i can stay for 3 years..if others could/can do it, then why can't i? what happened to the strong individual i thought i was? circumstances changed the way i think. things i hear, things i see. funny hw i used to think running away frm my problems wld be the best solution, back then i only wanted a clean slate - a slate just like this one, just to be away frm it all. nw i want to go back, just to be with the one i love, the people i love. the comfort zone i miss oh so much. why is the fcking grass always greener on the other side?

on second thoughts, i think i've succumbed myself to the loneliness. so i only have myself to blame. i don't get out much to meet my friends, i think a lot abt hm. i don't make the best of my time. i exhaust myself with work, i sleep too much. it's having the reverse effect on me. ugh!

2010-07-01T06:23:00.000-07:00

MANCHESTER...

.... was lovely (the old victorian buildings esp). what was even more lovely, was the weather - 16 degrees outside and sunny still. needless to say, i tried to keep warm cause i'm not used to that kinda 'summer'...i'm made for the likes of singapore's heat and the sandy dunes here in dubai.i just woke up, and it's sunny outside.

i'm jet-lagged and my body is confused. doesn't help that in a day i will be back in the same time zone again. -_- london day after tmr. anyway i managed to take a train into Piccadilly. and i fell in love with the town almost immediately. but i can't see myself actually living there. everytime i visit some place, i always wonder what life would be like actually living there, i guess i'm born and bred asian...can you see yourself waking up everyday having scones and tea for breakfast the rest of your life? or scrambled eggs with bacon rashes? i only say that because i can picture myself making a life out of living in one other place outside singapore and no it's not even here in dubai (don't see myself here for too long...) but it's thailand. i shall spare everyone, i won't get into too much details. ha. well i digress, back to manchester..of course everyone has heard of Primark? well who hasn't? the crew warned me abt the place and believe i cld have been there for an entire day and not be done with shopping. provided i had the spending power. not just yet...maybe in abt 2 months i will. but i still managed to spend 60 poounds on really good deals might i add! plus i'm going back to london in a day, so i'ma see what the Primark there has to off but these i bought...

can't wait to shop more as i trot the globe. :) i bought some stuff for the boyf and the bestfriend as well but i didn't take pics, then it wldn't be fun when i actually give it to them on my return. hehe, so wait for it guys!

anyway i was thoroughly pleased with the crew on this flight. only because the crew you fly with either make it or break it. and if they're a horror even a short 45 min flight to doha can seem forever. and all the stories i've heard abt this flight was enough to make me wanna offload myself. of course there were some glitches here and there on the flight there and back but nothing i cldn't have handled. i've had worse and maybe there's worse to come. what do you expect working in the service industry for a top notch airline? so gotta suck it up and brace myself for what's to come. some days i wanna just scream or pull my hair out. but oh well, this comes with the perks of the job eh?

it's officially July, which means i have exactly 26 days before my return to Singapore. parents are clueless and i like to keep it that way cause i'm surprising them. just can't wait to see the loooks on their faces...and i'm that much closer to being back in my lovers arms. ohhhh, the feeling is gon be simply euphoric! this month's gon be good, i can feel it. :D

hw half a year has gone by just like that! time flies....xxx

2010-06-25T09:37:00.000-07:00

OMG! finally.

since i got my ass to the UAE, i've been trying to figure out how to log into my blogger account without the browser opening up in Arabic. and today i finally figured it out...ha, i'm such a noob i know!

i knw how inactive i've been with regards to my blog. only cause i never really found the time to update when i was back in singapore. but i reckon having a lot of time on my hands and nowhere to really gash those emotions here in dubai, so yes i've decided to regurgitate my thoughts and random ramblings on my blog all over again :) so bare with me.

well it's 2022hrs here in dxb and i plan to stay up will 11 or so cause i've a flight to Nairobi, Kenya later in the morning and if i get in bed now i'd obviously wake up in the middle of the night and attempt to count some sheeps to fall back aslp which becomes an epic failure. so i end up dragging my ass out of bed and find myself grumpily hitting the shower before going to work. so since i've learnt my lesson, i will force myself to stay awake till i need to sleep. gotta fight this horrible body clock.

with that said, i'm gon read a book or Grazia (my new favorite local magazine here in dubai) till then. muchos love and have a fab weekend all! xx

2009-10-27T17:53:00.000-07:00

TIP: When in Malaysia, smoke like a Singaporean.

And remember, to stock up on the shades..you never know when it might get sunny!

October was a month i has highly looking forward to. And who knew it would come and go in a flash? The first reason being it marks the next three months worth of partying and secondly my massive trip to Malaysia. And when i say massive trip, it's an understatement. Words cannot describe how fcking crazy it was! It was an out of this world experience altogether. Four nights i am too afraid to relive. I'm happy to be alive! Ha..Ohh and did i mention we stayed in this really dodgy place for 2 nights at Genting called Apartment Riaa. Apparently the boys knew it was haunted and not just any haunted place, but Malaysia's TOP 3 HAUNTED PLACES. i am not even gon elaborate cause i still get the chills, cause i had my own encounters there..but here's an article we found after we got back. and lets just say our encounters were kinda similar..

(ARTICLE ON APARTMENT RIAA..)

With that said November is round the corner and i am excited and more than prepared for what's to come. So bring it on! Cause i'm not the girl i was exactly a year ago. Throw me in the gutter, hell i'll find my way out.

I can't wait to go back to work next week but before i do i am gon be painting my room this week. Yes, i am going back to my purple dayss. I miss it and mommy gave me the green light to paint cause the current paint is just a year old. Revamping your room can be rather therapeutic don't you think? Aye aye!

:) Ok folks, have yourselves a good mid-week! i'll update when time permits.

xoxo

2009-09-23T13:18:00.000-07:00

♥♥♥

clean slate.

2009-09-05T10:53:00.000-07:00

hola!

so i didn't blog for an entire month. which is highly unlike me but i just didn't feel the urge to. well well, lets just say i have a lot more time in my hands now..i'm also back to being a pauper so i shall make full use of my unproductivity doing some things productive. :)

i wish there were exciting news of sorts i could update you guys with but truth be told, my life isn't as colorful as it used to be. but one thing i do know, I AM CONTENT with the little things i have. i've found my comfort zone, my happy place. somehow i know that's all i need right now. with that said, september is finally here so this is where the major countdown begins. it's ramadan, so of course we've to respect our fellow muslims who are fasting but can i also add that the end of ramadan is what i'm gearing up for. i mean aren't the last three months of the year the most happening? that's when the festivities kick in, holidays, partying, shopping...preps for christmas etc! speaking of which i won't be in singas this christmas! yay. :D

so where was i? yes end of ramadan, beginning of OCT! wooots. going away for a mini-party out of the country, location: strictly confidential. could be vegas? haha. ohh well.

i'm not gon go too into detail. but i'm stoked as hell. well am home on a saturday, it's 2:06am and i can't get to bed. read i shall...

Bought this from Borders last week...

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR BOYFRIEND IS THE ANTICHRIST. (and if he is should you break up with him)

How to tell your boyfriend is an alcoholic:

*drank your nail polish remover during a snowstorm
*turned his glove compartment into a minibar
*he's bidding on new livers
*banned for life from your office holiday party
*you have a special pail you keep by the bed when he sleeps over

Should you break up with him?
Have the serenity to accept what you cannot change-your boyfriend isi drunk. Right now, he's fun, he's wild, he's the life of the party. But in a few years he'll be bloated, angry, unemployed loser, stealing small bills from your purse to buy a pint and picking fights at family get-togethers. BREAK UP!

so that was a lil tip from my book. :) ohh and for all you GG fanatics, gossip girl airs on 8th sep! One tree hill on the 14th! September looks good too! It's gon make time pass quicker. Yay!

Toooodles.

Xx

cleaned out my closet.

2009-07-26T08:39:00.000-07:00

Aloha.

alot has happened since i last blogged. i don't even know where to begin. i rarely use my laptop..infact hardly ever..hence the lack of updates! but if you've been following my twitter on this page it pretty much sums up my day to day happenings. sorry to all you twitter-haters out there but i'm totally hooked on it. :)

firstly the most interesting thing going on for me now would be yoga! yes i finally got down to it and signed up for classes at True Yoga and it really has been an experience in itself. it truly is a whole body, mind and soul experience. inspired by EAT PRAY LOVE. there's more to it than just yoga. there are so many other classes i've yet to attend. like body combat and pilates. it's unlimited and works round my schedule. speaking of which i'm job hunting..still employed but i wanna do something i'm passionate about. this 4/3 day work week with a killer 14 hr shift is not working especially when it's a job with no prospect. plus it might have been a temporary thing but i ought to do something i love. like an internship with a company. even if it pays peanuts..i need to establish myself. my current job pays well, but it doesn't help when you dread waking up for work at some point and head to the same monotonous and mundane routine every darn day. so i applied for a couple of jobs related to my field. we'll see how it goes. if it goes well, i swear i'd be the happiest person!

can't believe it's almost aug! time does fly. should be a good month. counting on it! hope it is for the rest of you tooo.

off to hit the sack now..much loveee.

noise as you claim is music to my ears.

2009-07-05T02:40:00.000-07:00

I can't believe i'm actually lying in bed and blogging away! I love the perks of having a wi-fi phone. Can't quite recall the last time I actually switched on my lappie. Not that it's been functioning all that fantastically. Planning to get me a new one, soon enough. Speaking of which I did some financial planning and I've sufficient money for driving which means I should stop procrastinating it and continue with the pracs! Money comes in Friday, that's if my time sheet gets in by noon tmr. And it better!

I have no life outside of work. I get tired easily, I rarely wanna go out cause all I wanna do is catch up on lost sleep. I'm in dire need of some pampering to say the least and have I mentioned how clubbing isn't exactly on my agenda as of late. Rather the usual music does not interest me and by that I mean hiphop & rnb so much so i'm super outdated with the latest chart toppers. Loser-ish i know, but aren't the rest of you bored outta your wits with the same music, same place and same faces? I'm also tired of drinking myself drunk. Though it's been ages since. It's nice to enjoy a couple of drinks with friends every now and then, but getting wasted isn't my alley. Unless of course the girlfriends are being the devils in disguise. Heh. Miss them much!

Ohh, I hear Daddy-kins whipping up something in the kitchen. How do I lose the pounds I've gained if I'm constantly feasting. Dammit. We need more raves! It's an epic win for weight loss. Ha. Water-only-raves rather, stay off the carbonated drinks (yes the last rave i attended didn't sell alcohol, only water and soft drinks) and gulp down tonnes of water...dance the night away, rave it out and I guarantee, you'll see the difference. I felt lighter the following morning. Haha, I kid you not. Also cause I ate nothing besides a slice of bread those two days. Ahhh, how I yearn for another one!

Only good news - SVD is coming down to Singers come august! Wooot, cosmic gate as well.. Probably a stop over before their Godskitchen tour in Aussie. Something to look forward too. Yay!

I love how I care the least.

slurp.

2009-06-16T22:21:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of updates but I've been quite the busy bee lately.. If it isn't work then I'm probably either home or out and about. My most recent trip being to Malacca for Freedom '09! Where Ferry, Above & Beyond, Tydi and a few others put on an awesome show! Needless to say their production teams did a fabulous job with the laser lights! What's a rave without a massive light show. My first rave outside Singapore and may I add, Malaysians sure do know how to party their asses off! To more raves (outside Singers)! Defqon1 is next on the agenda and I'm totally stoked about it! Hardstyleeeeee babaye~ here we come!

But first things first. The weeekend - Yoji spinned at MOS last year for Shuffle Night and this year he's back for more trance and hard dance at Zirca! Haven't looked forward to anything since I got back from Freedom, so this Saturday should satisfy my burning desire to listen to some MAD BASS!

I thought of heading out tonight just to warm myself up for the weekend. PLUS Leslie officially turns twenty one today and everyones heading to Zirca apparently. HOWEVER, I am still on heavy medication cause I had to fall ill. Hence I won't be drinking even if I went, and I might just tire myself for nothing!

Verdict: stay home and rot like you've been the past two days.

Happpy Midweek darlings! Xx

________________________________
6 billion people, 6 billion souls and sometimes all you need is NONE. [things change, people change]

sunsets and car crashes.

2009-05-23T01:35:00.000-07:00

you talk too much.maybe that's your way of breaking up the silence that fills you up.

I'm at work on a SATURDAY, but I like working weekends so shut up I shall. The weekend is here, which means I am that much nearer to next weekend. The plans are obviously all over the place cause some boy took off to Bali and left me stranded. bleah. But none the less I am looking forward to it, even if it means I take that damn bus alone. It doesn't matter, only because it's liberating. Ironically enough, its called 'Freedom Festival'. How appropriate, no? I know right. Only set back is that I am still sick, and I hope I recover, pronto!

I've become quite the twitter lately. No surprise there though, my life revolves around the virtual world. Speaking of which, season finales are here! OTH, Desperate Housewives, Grey's, 90210..boohoo! only consolation,

WEEDSSSS is back next month!!!

cut me lose.

2009-05-06T23:05:00.001-07:00

"Look, you had your shot and you blew it, so why start toying with her again? I mean if you want her why don't you man up and tell her! Otherwise you gotta cut her lose. You gotta cut her lose and you gotta do it for real this time!" -Nate

So this particular line rang a bell and for highly obvious reasons. But then again, everybody wants what they can't have. I on the other hand want what I know I can have, call it contentment call it whatever you want. I know and I want. I don't need it, because I can live without it, I've been living with very minimal of it. It doesn't complete me, it's just become a part of me. With that said, it doesn't bug me so much anymore. Three cheers for Shina. :)

Anyhoo, I know I just came back from a holiday but I really feel like going for another. Raine's off to Perth, the same holiday I was meant to go for till my mom suggests otherwise. Heard Jhonny's off to Phuket, UGH! I'd give anything to go back again! I swear! :( But in order to afford another holiday I actually have to get my ass to work. Then there's my mommy, who's going to Kota Kinabalu - my sister and I are giving her a treat in a form of a short getaway for Mothers Day with my Daddy! So yes I will have the house all to myself some time end of this month EXCEPT that I will be off to Melaka for Freedom the very same weekend! Bummer and not so bummer. I'm making the most of those 2 days cause the next holiday after that will be, well not a holiday but a lil spa trip to Batam with the girls in June. So the next REAL holiday might just be in freaking August to Aussie land. Sighh.

Note to self: I refuse to wait till 2010 to go back to my homeland THAILAND. I need to see my king and his people, by the end of this year. (looks at the Sis, Nithi & Naresh..start planning guyss)

Hello, Goodbye, Amen

2009-05-06T02:36:00.000-07:00

As of late I have been nothing but exhausted. The emotional pain overwrites the physical pain and almost numbs it. I am neither here nor there, I have lost myself in the process. But in order to find yourself, you have to lose yourself no? So here I am five years later ready to embark on this long (and not so lonely) road I reckon and I have faith. I finally have faith in myself and believe this is gonna get me somewhere.

Slowly but surely - I am embracing change, and sometimes change is what we need.

___

***Freeedom, here I comee :)) 29/30

you keep me in my place.

2009-05-05T13:04:00.000-07:00

Weren't you the one who told me once you would be there?
And every time I try to walk away,
you keep me in my place.

~

When you love someone - you'll do anything
You'll do all the crazy things that you cant explain
You'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
When you love someone

You'll deny the truth - believe a lie
There will be times that you'll believe you can really fly
But your lonely nights - have just begun
When you love someone

When you love someone - you'll feel it deep inside
And nothing else can ever change your mind
When you want someone - when you need someone
When you love someone...

When you love someone - you'll sacrifice
You'd give it everything you got and you wont think twice
You'd risk it all - no matter what may come
When you love someone
You'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
When you love someone

The Fight.

2009-04-26T10:34:00.000-07:00

you'd be a fool if you let him slip away without a fight.

I'm reading this book The Choice by Nicholas Sparks right now by the very same author who wrote A Walk To Remember and The Notebook - a personal favorite that I still read up till today from time to time. I recently told someone that if I were to ever write a book based on my life experiences from the age of 16, it would have been titled THE CHOICE as well. Which is exactly why the book caught my eye when I was at a bookstore in Phuket. Bought that along with My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult which was recommended to me by a friend. I'm a chapter away from finishing Sparks' novel and I must say this book impacts me the same way The Notebook did. I don't want to go into detail but for the bookworms out there, i'd say..own it. It's worth the read, i promise.

A couple a posts back i mentioned how i was conflicted and how i needed a lot more convincing. I definitely got that in more ways than one as of late. The conversations, the tears, the wishes, the card. Especially the card that still sits on my table. The words, your own words. It's funny how you have all these feelings buried deep within you but you never ever voice them till the need arises. Some times you don't need a reason to mention things like that. Because words like these are meant to be heard. It could save something worth saving. Fighting for what it's worth! Who was I kidding? Who the hell was I trying to convince? Nobody but myself. In the end, I played myself for a fool. But I snapped back to reality woke up and saw the bigger picture. On to the 10th month and we're still hanging on to dear life, speaks for itself right there. Here's to clarity.

6 billion people, 6 billion souls and sometimes all you need is 1;

case closed.

2009-04-21T23:14:00.000-07:00

I won’t soothe your pain
I won’t ease your strain

You’ll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for you to gain

The Imperfections.

2009-04-08T20:11:00.000-07:00

In the end it's these small things that you remember, the little imperfections that make them perfect for you.

I was on facebook earlier today and at the side of the window there was a video entitled 'Funeral' with a subheading that read, 'A woman shares the story of her Beautifully Imperfect relationship at her husband's funeral.'

At the end of those three minutes I was already teary eyed and reminiscing. It's true how your flaws make you unique in ways only one may think so, that being your better half. Most people point out your flaws and make it apparent that they stick out like a sore thumb and sometimes make you change (for the better, or so they claim). But I personally feel that imperfections are what make you who you are. If someone loves you with your flaws and all, they've loved you for you're perfect to them in every way.

you know i've always loved you, flaws and all.

2009-03-29T23:58:00.000-07:00

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh a beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

I am conflicted. I need answers I can't find. You're not doing a very good job convincing me.

2009-03-22T23:33:00.000-07:00

YOU and ME and the bottle makes THREE tonight.

My first day off since I started working. I thought of doing something productive with my day but I reckoned with the thought and figured sleeping in is just as productive. Especially when you're catching up on lost sleep. Well I didn't waste the entire day doing just that cause it's now 2.39pm in the afternoon. The heat is sweltering, I have a pool at my disposal, some tanning oil somewhere in my room, a good read (ie: my twilight saga, yes i am at it again!) but of course there's just one thing missing a martini or a cosmo. I think I've been subconsciously detoxing myself cause I can't quite recall when was the last time I held a bottle of beer or a anything alcoholic for that matter. With that said, I am definitely doing Ladies night this Wednesday. YES I AM! I haven't been to a single ladies night since 2009 started and this week calls for one. Caroline my Aussie colleague is leaving this Thursday back to Sydney and we're doing a girls night out to get smashed. The only reason I was up for it...NO work on Thursday! woot! :))

TWENTY days and counting. Xx

2009-03-21T00:55:00.000-07:00

show me what i'm looking for.

I have been meaning to blog for the longest time but I simply haven't had the time to. It's nearing a month since work started and its been nothing but physically and mentally draining. I guess I'm not used to it. Also cause my body clock is messed up but now that's fixed, it's set for six hours! It does not matter what time it is I sleep..be it 9pm or 10pm (yes, I do hit the sack as early as that) I wake up within six hours. Bleah. I used to have four cups of coffee a day, the first week I started. Now I try not to have a cup at all. And I get through the entire day effortlessly. :) My colleagues are an awesome bunch. That too cause we're all around the same age group. My boss is Australian and he is far from the sort who's easy going. He comes down hard on us and that's cause he wants to see perfomance. Definitely a nice guy still. It's a saturday and as much as I want to actually utilize it, I'm not gonna cause I have work tomorrow! :( But it's all good. I actually don't mind going back tomorrow cause I get Monday off. Guess I won't be having the Monday blues like the rest of you. ;p

Lorraine's 22nd birthday was awesome! That's one down and one more to go. We're exactly a week away from her 21st! I'm stoked. And I also hope someone swaps my shift with me. *keeps her fingers crossed*

It's raining and I'm gonna snuggle up all alone on my couch and catch up on One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl! yes babies! It's officially out after what seemed like a long hiatus. And for those who watch WEEDS, that airs in JUNE.

2009-02-23T21:57:00.000-08:00

Don`t lie
Promise everyday you`re gonna try
To make me feel like everything`s alright
Like I`m the apple of your eye

The month is coming to an end, and time is definitely flying by oh so quickly! Raine's 22nd is nearing, Steph's 21st then my very own 22nd which I have no plans to celebrate whatsoever. Just a short getaway with the love(s). :D Phuket is long long longg overdue. So if work doesn't get in the way then Phuket for my birthday otherwise I will just wait for Nithi's 21st in May to getaway with the cousins, sis and the lover - Casino Royale Style. Heh

I start work this week, tentatively. All the way to Chai Chee in the East! Thank heaven for the straight bus to work. I love long bus rides, so i guess i'll be indulging in them the next couple of months. Of course work is very close to where V works so yes you can spoil me rotten by picking me up from work or sending me from time to time. :) Busy bees we're gon become V! But the moolah rolling in will definitely be worth it, yes?? YES!

Alright. A 6000 word essay beckons me!

Ta!

2009-02-15T10:09:00.000-08:00

PS: SORRY MOMMY.

So the much dreaded talk took place and as much as I dreaded it, it was better than expected and I am more than relieved now. :) I guess it's always good when the parentals are willing to sit down and listen and sort things out so that you get where they are coming from. Their perspective on matters and I obviously misunderstood their concerns for something else. I mean of course there are a handful that are still somewhat prejudice. But like Daddy said, we don't live our lives for others and I should do what makes me happy. Live my life for me and no one else. I am happy so the rest of them have to simply SUCK IT UP!

At the end of the day, if they see me happy and I am sure they'd want to see me happy..they'd be happy for me.

So case closed. Time to get on with life and I have more important things coming up.

note to self: eat pray love.

2009-02-14T03:01:00.000-08:00

Won't you walk through, bust in the door and take me away?

You'd think the family would be all supportive, despite the circumstances. But sometimes I wonder how far the support goes. It's kinda got its limits, I am guessing..from the over exaggerated reactions all round. How superficial can everyone get. How bias can all of you get? If this were anyone else, it wouldn't be that huge an issue, would it? Recall seeing me the past five years?? Our generation isn't as bad as your generation. In terms of setting high expectations. Come of it, we're living in the damn 21st century. How could this go to the extend of y'all wanting to ship me out of the country to keep me away from something that might possibly keep me happy. It's absurd.

If that's what you guys want, then that's what you guys will GET. I will leave. And I won't look back. I am not as strong as Daddy was. He fought the only fight he knew and now everyone else is eating their own words. Me, me on the other hand? I'd love to be just like Daddy. I'm not sure how though. It may have been too soon but I reckon it isn't the time everyone's concern about. As it is, I have enough going on. I did not need this..

So much for family. Thank god the cousins and the sis get it. The rest of you, no comments. None at all.

I'm just glad Dad isn't part of this whole saga.

2009-02-02T11:39:00.000-08:00

We choose our grievances the same way we choose our sins. you think ?

OK. so there's just way too much hate and resentment overwhelming me at this point i am beginning to get scared. it bothers me so much because its so unhealthy. its not like me to hate to such an extend or even think about it and let it rule my thoughts but is so has and its disgusting. what's even more disgusting is the content of my thoughts. so perhaps that time you granted me isn't exactly helping. three days versus two days. i vote for the three days that were much happier. i was so stoned those two days, i wasn't a very pretty sight. but thanks again. for the space and what not. i may still need it, only because i want to spare the faint hearted ones like you. but i may be mistaken. you're so brave and so giving and forgiving...i think you may just be god sent. an angel in disguise...my angel.

you make me want to forget some, you make me want to remember some.

2009-01-28T09:52:00.000-08:00

SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T GRASP THE CONCEPT OF "UNWELCOME".

On to Breaking Dawn already! But for the benefit of those who have not read the previous two or three books, I shall keep my gap shut and not comment. I can only say that I feel oh so sorry for Jake. Sigh.

Well my head is about to explode with the amount of things running through it. But I reckon the time given will be beneficial for more than just me. Also there are so many things I have to sort out and I don't even know where to begin. I have been doing my fair share of research but there's so much more to be done and worked out. The last people I want to burden are the parentals. So I'm gonna work my way around it without involving them. Hopefully it works out!

For now I am a week away from freedom, so to speak. But it's the kind that requires me to be grounded at the same time. Sian la. But it's ok, I need this. We need it :)

2009-01-19T10:45:00.000-08:00

I AM DONE HERE.

-HIATUS PERSONIFIED-

2009-01-16T12:29:00.000-08:00

♦POKER NIGHT(s)♥

As of late, well at least since christmas the cousinletts, sister and a couple of friends here and there have made a weekly effort (if i may call it that) to poker the night away. Namely Fridays and we've only missed one week since and that too cause I had plans. Thanks to my brilliant idea of actually teaching them how to play poker...they are now officially addicted and game to make their way down to my humble abode to play it once a weeeek. And luck wasn't exactly on my side tonight- also cause I was very much broke. grrr. None the less it was funn! :)) What better way to spend time with the familia eh?? Haa.

Can't wait for the long ass weekend next week! (but it's also study weeek, jia lat!!) BBQ with the family and a yearly tradition of hotel stay with the friendssss! Grand Mercureee Hotel here we comeee. Another year, another place, another hotel that black lists us. Hahah, whats new eh?! I see a highly intoxicated weekend next week. And that will mark the beginning of my study week. sian.

However, tomorrrow first! Mandy Panty's 21st Birthdayyy! This calls for a reunion! Missed the whole gang together and its been ages. Woooot! Can't wait!

HAPPPY BIRTHDAY MANDY PANTY!! (in advance, i know its not your birthday yet!!) time to get smashed tomorrow! lovelove.

2009-01-14T10:32:00.000-08:00

Today I decided that I shall live for the moment. I tell myself that everyday and try to live by it- it is tough though. I mean why worry about tomorrow? Or why brood over what's happened? Instead live for the moment and not regret a thing that's happened. Deal with it as it passes and it'll be easier. I realize that I could be at a happy place with someone that can make me laugh till I cry or give me the warmest most biggest bear hug when I do cry but instead I sit with my chin resting in my hands and stone away thinking about things that have happened yesterday or weeks, sometimes even months or years ago.

For example: worrying about whats to come or being at a beautiful place and not savoring the moments there but wondering when I will be back there? Or telling someone "ohh i should totally come back here one day!" hell you are there, relish it while you can...and when you think about it..it does make a lot of difference and you tend to smile a lot more and frown a lot less.

So whenever I sit and my mind drifts off to far off places, I snap back to reality and relish the moments I have that can instantaneously put a huge grin on my face. And I have more than a million reasons why I should be smiling these days, and maybe you'd realize you have more than one reason to smile too today.

HAPPY MID-WEEK! :))

xx

2009-01-13T00:56:00.000-08:00

One thing I truly knew - knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest - was how love gave someone the power to break you.
I'd been broken beyond repair.

BUT....

YOU fixed me up right away. Thank You.
___

I have gotten answers. Confronted whatever emotions I had to. And it didn't take me two hideously long weeks. It took me just three days. I did it on my own, stood my ground and found that it's not entirely necessary to make things clear. I am safe and sound and not muddled. I have finally attained the closure that I had been longing for.

Finally.

2009-01-12T10:50:00.000-08:00

I HONESTLY BELIEVE GOD HAS A WICKED SENSE OF HUMOR.

I am truly and thoroughly disgusted with my latest discovery of sorts. I get goosebumps just thinking of it. Ewwww. Really. I want to be happy for you, but it's just too wrong. Oh well. The man up there has his reasons. But it does make me feeel a tad better. Hah, in a very sadistic way. tskk. so evil i am. I will go to church this Sunday and repent for thy sin.

The days are going by quicker than imagined and i am counting on those muffins tomorrow for the sugar fix. I neeeed. Feb come soooner pleasee! I want to get out of heree. :)

Anyway I am developing a new kind of sickness, another addiction...and i don't seem to care at all. I happen to like it very much.

In a twisted way it blurrs out the numbness.

(and you my darling lil brother, i want to hold you so tight, wipe your tears away and tell you everything is gonna get better from here on, but you have to have a little faith and believe that it WILL get better. I love you dearly and will always be here to wipe your tears dry. FOR LIFE. love you donnie)

2009-01-07T09:21:00.000-08:00

ITS A BEAUTY.

When I think back to exactly a year ago and see how far you've come since then and the impact I have made on your every move in life since, I cannot be any more proud than I am of who you've become and all that you've achieved. It inspires me to become someone and a better person at that. And so much more I tell you. You would know. Just standing there and seeing how much has been accomplished, it's so satisfying. Gawd, 2009 is really awesome. For you at least, it will be. I have faith in me, don't worry. :) My time will come as well.

One more new years resolution down on the list. This one since i was 18 and its beeeeen long long overdue. Doesn't help that i can drive and that too illegally. so with that said, I must and will get my license by the end of this year, period. PRONTO.

On to New Moon now. Twilight, the boook was very detailed and different from the movie. Explains why everyone who read the book before the movie thought otherwise..about how the movie was made! I'm with you guys. but then again the movie would have been three or four hours long if they didn't make the changes they did. And thats always the problem when you make a movie adaptation of a book. well well...none the less it was an awesome movie and an even awesome read! yes yes, as overrated as it is.

later alligators. :)

2009-01-04T12:39:00.001-08:00

Life is beautiful. The world ain't half as bad as they paint it to be, really. I am truly content with what i have these days. And i should be grateful for it. I do not intend to take any of this for granted. Cause these opportunities in life don't come by often. Of course, there are the daily squabbles in life but those can be fixed if you don't run away from them or ignore it totally. Besides that everything is right where it's supposed to be. December (2008) was one fruitful month. I cherished every moment of it and that made me look forward to 2009. And we're not even one week into Jan and I am loving it already.

However there is one part of me which isn't looking forward to the next two weeks ahead of me. Maybe i am not prepared to confront my emotions cause i have been really strong about everything and moving along so gracefully. But i hope this is who i am and that it's not just a facade i have been hiding behind. There isn't just one pillar but many pillars of strength that i can fall back on. I refuse though. I need to stay grounded cause it is something life's lessons have taught me so far. I am just glad i have the people that matter most in my life standing by me, prepared to catch me if i fall despite my refusal to let them. This i am truly grateful for. Sometimes i feel like i do not thank God enough for all these souls he has blessed me with.

You I personally want to thank. For wanting to whisk me away over the weekend so i can have a peace of mind. But i think it'll be a complete waste of moolah my dear. I am not gonna run away! I have to confront whatever it is i need to accost. I'm a big girl, remember? :)) However I promise you, Feb we will go on that holiday we both deserve. In the mean time you can always buy me more books?? Haha, it will keep me and my mind occupied. For sure! Then again i have four books earnestly waiting to be read sitting on my shelf. This reminds me..I do intend to have my very own library in my new home! and a huge one at that. Comprenda?

As for my two bestfriends, Raine and Steffie - the three of us have become such busy bees, with our own commitments at hand. Steffie being the gorgeous mommy that she is with her oh so cute 2 year old bundle of joy she's blessed us all with, juggling work amidst all that! Raine with school every other day and of course i have school too! And now with tuitions and what not since the new school term is here. We may not call each other up on a daily basis, let alone meet up like how we used to back in the day. But somehow we make it a point to drop each other text messages or try and squeeze a dinner date or two just to catch up and know we're all doing fine! and that's somehow become mandatory in our so called busy schedules, with schoool, work and boys. And i dare say, this will go on for a long time to come. What more when Raine and I actually go out into the working world. Or when i intend to leave for Aussie in time to come. I am just glad that this 9 year long friendship hasn't gone down the drain and it's been worth the fights, the tears, the emotions, shared joys and laughter we all have been through. On to our 10th year as bestfriends, I am glad i ushered in the New Year and that too, to a better 2009 with you guys by my side. There was nothing more i could ask for. I love you two dearly - never forget that.

ps: its your 21st this year steffie. where is it gon be at? VEGAS?! ;))

((J'aime la vie))

2009-01-02T03:27:00.000-08:00

I am officially done with Eat Pray Love. Please tell me i am not wrong about the fact that Julia Roberts is playing Elizabeth Gilbert in the movie adaptation of this book! I was checking out the reviews for this book and many could not get themselves to sit through the entire read. Lorraine tried reading it two or three times but it never quite sustained her interest long enough for her to finish it. Only a handful told me they thought the book was good. Other online reviews read that it was a boring book and it being rather dry. To be honest, initially i found myself forcing my way past pages, however by the time i was mid-way her first journey to Italy..i was hooked. I guess it's also about the whole self-discovery prospect and the emotional mambo jumbo that i somewhat related to.

I am now on to my next book. Marley & Me which many have read and i have heard nothing but good reviews about. Also I intend to finish it within the next two days. (I would finish it sooner if it weren't for poker tonight, which i am looking forward to) The movie is out in Singapore on the 8th of Jan which is not too far off. Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson play Jennifer and John Grogan. I think they'd do the actual Mr and Mrs Grogan justice. I can't wait to catch it in cinemas!

***

Last night I went over to V's with the sole intention of watching That 70's Show only because he has it from season one right up to date in DVDs. HOWEVER, we switched on the television to channel 5 and this particular movie which I THOUGHT was just a 1 hour series started. Mail Order Wife (which aired in 2004) - thats the title. Curious, cause i had never heard of such a series (only because it wasn't actually a series but a movie!), i watched on now thinking it was a documentary..because that is how the movie is made. In a documentary kinda setting. The first one hour later I realized it was not a series, not a documentary but a movie!! It had gotten kinda intersting by then so i continued watching and it is a movie to watch la! It's a comedy.. i thought i shouldn't be laughing but after checking imdb out i found out i was permitted to laugh cause it IS a comedy! It's about how...

a documentarian funds a NYC doorman's Asian mail order bride in exchange for the right to film the experience. But when Lichi arrives in America, she finds herself married to a recluse with a penchant for sadistic sexual role-playing. Objectivity flies out the window when she and the filmmaker become involved. Twists and turns are plentiful in this tragi-comic love triangle where all is not what it seems.

Watch it if you can find it at a DVD/VCD rental shop. :)

aiite, i'm off to read myself away till poker! later.

xx

2008-12-31T00:29:00.000-08:00

I will be wearing that smile you gave me for the longest time ♥

Happiness has unknowingly creeped up on me. Could i be happier? No. I am truly all smiles as of late. Christmas was beyond gorgeous. It was better than i had expected it to be. Spending it with dear ones is the best way to spend it. I guess i really soaked up the Christmas spirit way in advance. This would be the first December in 3 years i didn't dread or sulk over. :D I think i made the best decision one can make. I only thank the man up above for showing me the light and above all giving me the strength to overcome it with such grace.

It's the eve of New Years and I am leaving 2008 behind without much thought as to how it went. I have no regrets but am only thankful for all the trials and tribulations i went through. 2009 will be a better year or so we all pray. But it's up to us to make it happen, no? So once again i will not give 09 much thought and simply take it a day at a time. New years resolution?? hmmm. same shit,different year? Haha..to quit smoking amongst other things. But this is truly at the top of my list. Hope the rest of you have made your list of resolutions and keep it! ;)) You might need it to remind you. With that said..

HAPPY NEW YEARRRR!!!

2008-12-23T09:39:00.000-08:00

Zoukout - Check. (and i had an awesome fucking time! can't believe i missed out on it all these years. silly me, silly silly me)
Twilight - Check check (watched it twice in the cinemas, and i had to drag the same poor soul with me both times, and the poor soul slept at different parts of the movie two days in a row, but CLAIMED it was worth the watch.)
Christmas - Check (for preparations at least.)

So the first two went just as plannned and im pretty darn sure that Christmas will be just as sweet. The ghost of Christmas goth paid me an early early visit this year and left me a post-it while i was asleep weeks back, and it read,

Dear shina, i will spare you the misery this year but that don't mean you gloat in happiness for long, cause i will come back to haunt you next year and maybe i won't wait till Christmas. In other words, Merry Christmas. Be good. Signed off, Ghost of Christmas Goth.

Of course i was blithe. I had to be right? I was off the hook. YAY! So here i am on the eve of Christmas. Yes it's 2.09AM and it is officially the eve. So Merry Christmas-Eve. Ha, and i can't wait for midnight mass. Cause it hasn't been the same for years now. That warm fuzzy feeling i get being around close and loved ones...the yearly traditions. To a house party after mass (no clubbing. i do NOT club on Christmas and last year was my first and last) where we drink wine and eat cheese. Yes believe it or not, we do. Ok we try. Give me cheddar. I hate anything else. And no i do not go home drunk cause Christmas morning is the one morning i wake up in 365 days and not dread. Oh i am so looking forward to it. I wrapped my presents last night, and i actually took the time to wrap them pretty. They totally compliment the Christmas tree. Ok just how many times have i repeated the word Christmas in the post excluding the last one?! Geez cheese..

Oh also i managed to get my dress, which is NOT black. FOR ONCE. but has a hint of black of course, got me heels and accessories too. and i have to do my wall collage today! No more procrastinating. Finally developed the photos. So expensive la. But whatever, they make my room prettier. Everyone i know and who are dear to me are on the wall, and yes that includes you too in case you're wondering.

VINI AND CASTI - it wasss good spending even an hour with you guys today over lunch. I missed you guys terribly much. thankkkk you for popping by! hope you found your shoe casti and your dresss vini! :))

Am gonna curl up with my book now. Later alligators.

XX

2008-12-18T10:17:00.000-08:00

Edward Cullen: I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore.
Isabella Swan: Then don't.

Ok, i know there has been a huge hype about the movie Twilight (did i mention the movie had an excellent cast) and it seems somewhat overrated. But lets just say it deserves to be, for very obvious reasons. By the end of the movie i was chanting 'everybody needs an Edward Cullen' in my head. Right up till i got home. I was even talking to myself. Saying the quotes out aloud on the drive back home. I think he is drug. HE can be my very own brand of heroine. It's not just about how hot he looks or whatever, but it's the whole package. I wouldn't want a Robert Pattinson.

I just want Cullen himself.

2008-12-16T00:52:00.000-08:00

SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD BUY HAPPINESS BY THE BOTTLE. AND SHE (MOMENTARILY) DID.

I am glad its Tuesday already. I have to wait another two days. I cannot make it. I need to go shopping on Friday! You better get your damn ass out cause you need to get you something. I want a time machine underneath my christmas tree this year. Oh and also an ipod nano chromatic - in purple. thank you. I am done with the Guess bags and wallets. Got enough of those for my birthday. Coach hasn't served me well, just yet. It's still where it last was when it arrived, and i'm leaving it there for a reason. If someone could please transport Edward Cullen/Robert Pattinson to my humble abode i will be most grateful. I cannot find a single soul who doesn't love him. Also he looked like crap in Harry Potter. I knew the face was familiar but beautiful this time round. If not there is always Ed Westwick.

Next year i am buying me three tickets to travel. I want to go to India, Indonesia and Italy. Just like how Elizabeth Gilbert did. In pursuit of pleasure, devotion and balance. And slowly happiness will creep up on me. It secretly has..which explains why i have left the FUHC. and i am happy i have, but sooner or later we all have to leave the club. Thats what people do when they go to rehab or AA's, right? They go there to come out sober and happier. And so have i. Though it wasn't real, technically. Haha. But i'm dead serious about the travelling though...oh how i wish. I'll start small. Thailand first, in Feb. The rest can wait!

2008-12-11T05:25:00.000-08:00

You are finally legal nowww! Wheee. haha. Have a blasting good timeee and may all good things come your wayy love. God bless sweetheart.. ♥♥♥

***

I'm a happpy girl. :D Last night was a blessing in disguise and unexpected. thank you. Now i will keep my fingers crossed and pray saturday comes quick. I don't mind the change of plans, in fact i initiated the change of plans..but i want it that way and like it better. ANYHOOo i am craving for sting ray lei, and have been since god knows when. I wanttttttt! pishh. eight four eight it is.

Later alligators.

xx

2008-12-10T03:51:00.000-08:00

The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn't want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland.

(3 words 8 letters.)

2008-12-09T11:22:00.000-08:00

Now i know why the Lord took his day off on Sunday. That must be the day he personally greets his favorites.

I got this book along with Eat Pray Love and Marley & Me on my Saturday shopping spree with B and Vi. Or rather the first two were gifts from Vi and the latter was bought by me. (thanks Vi, books always make a good gift) I'm already done with The Wednesday Letters and i'm all teared out. I cried three times through out the entire read and by the time i finished it i was sobbing, quite literally. Sad and heartwarming. It carried such strong family values and teach you so much about life's lessons. Something i could entirely relate to. Now i'm compelled to begin writing my own Wednesday Letters ♥. Own it if you loved The Notebook, it kinda reminded me of it in many ways.

Anyhow i know i will get through the next 10 days cause i got through 5 months. Wait i've gone through more than those 5 months. And it has made me a strong girl. I'm a big girl now, and big girls don't cry or so they claim. But i know myself and i will pull through. hell i've more ahead of me and if i can't get through this then whatever else ahead of me is gon kill me for sure. So i need to suck it up and take it in my stride. and you should too my dear. there is way way way more ahead and i want it for you cause you want it and you deserve it cause you have worked so hard for it. :))

2008-12-05T00:45:00.001-08:00

tell me something.something you shouldn't.

ITS FRIDAY! three more days and im gonna be miserable :(( Well this weekend seems to be packed with things to do starting tonight! I've got a Sangeet to go for! Can't wait. Tomorrow will be going down to beach road to run some errands and then if i can squeeze in a lil bit of shopping time i'd be so pleased. Church after, which is a must must must! And off to Adams Road for Sting Ray! :D Yay. i've been craving la. Sunday would be Triston's 2nd Birthday Party! Going to town to get his present with the sis and then off to his place for a BBQ. Monday would be Daddy's birthday, speaking of which i haven't gotten him anything. Yikes! tomorrow i shall.

I am sooo glad its a public holiday on Monday and i hope daddy isn't working. But i reckon he might since he usually does on public holidays. Esp during Hari Raya and Diwali. :(
*****

*8 DAYS TO ZOUKOUT!

*13 DAYS TO TWILIGHT!

*20 DAYS TO CHRISTMAS!!

2008-12-03T04:00:00.000-08:00

My heart didn't race like i thought it would have! i am so proud with the progress i have made and the very little impact you make on me.

anyhoo, i am a sick sick sick chicken really. It's been three days and I haven't gotten any better. i resisted the urge not to buy fags but the devil in me gave in to the temptations and i think that kinda got me feeling worse. :((

I went prawninggg! For the first time. I caught two damn prawns. How exciting right? One hour and two buggers. nb. but i want to go againn la. its like just across where i livee. Khatib officially rockss panties! i love me neighbourhooood. buddy is my new hang out. the cakesss and the mushroom soup not forgetting the awesome home made iced tea! YUM factor. why is it you crave for all the things you shouldn't be eating when you're sick? like ice cream!! i have an entire tub in my fridge and i have been eyeing it since but i know i'll just eff myself up even more if i did sink my teeth into it. bleah. i want to get well! and i also wanna watch TWILIGHT! the boy in it, so yummy. i kept watching the trailers after i got home from lisa's place. HIS EYES. wahhhh. really mann.

kk, i need strawberry milk if i am not getting ice cream.

TA!

*10 days to ZOUKOUT!

2008-11-26T01:05:00.000-08:00

well i have nothing much to say besides how its wednesday and i have the hugest urge to get out for ladies night! plus gee texted me earlier and wants me to go badly. but the sad thing is i have school at 9 tomorrow morning you see. so how like that? and i know this jo will be up for it anytime, since we're pretty much alcoholics anonymous. actually im not so bad la. that one ah..needs a good shake. well P&J were there to sugar coat the misery last night. Tessa and Scottish joined us for a bit. long long night i tell you. we got new tattoos and P and i have matching ones. hehe, but jo's is still the best.

Abs dropped a bomb this morning. :(( but i hope it works out still. please please please. i have one more day to Friday! i am freakishly freaked out i swear. Abs sis flew back on flight this afternoon and leaves on Sat so we're heading out on Friday! woot woot! Rosh lands tomorrow afternoon and i'll be waiting for her to holla. Neeeed to seee her. I just hope i meet her with good news instead of bad. *fingers crossed*

Aiite imma get started on my PR essay. F1 here i comeee.

2008-11-24T08:40:00.001-08:00

Cramps can be such a bitch. (sorry Gee i didn't meet you this afternoon!) I stayed in bed all day today and that made my bones ache more than it already did cause i am sick as well. I had 5 sticks of reds straight before i hit the sack last night and that made my throat hurt this morning when i woke and i was coughing like there was no tomorrow. pishh. of course the flu played its part thanks to my unorganized, not-so-dust-free room. black sheets are the worse especially when you have a dog and cat who love to be on it.

Thank you for coming over with a box of 'pinks' that i have been poppin' cause the pain is immense. i exaggerate not. sighh. school tomorrow mann. and i am afraid my drugged out self isn't gon wake up. but i should with all the rest i have gotten today.

anyhoo, road trip next month? penang/kl? hmmm. should i?

2008-11-23T11:42:00.000-08:00

The Devil Rents A Room In Our Head, you see. AND MISERY just happens to be both of our middle names, BUT not for longgg. right jo?!

THE SILLY THINGS WE DO WHEN WE ARE BORED !
I HEART YOU JO. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU LIKE AN INDIAN LOVES WHISKY. :D sounds familiar?

XX

2008-11-23T11:22:00.000-08:00

the one song that puts me to bed, soundly.

2008-11-22T20:20:00.001-08:00

T.I said i could have whatever i likeee

Today I went to church and saw a rainbow. :)) It's a sign, a good one. I'm going back from today and i am going to work on it for i have strayed for far too long. And i feel safer and better when i am nearer. Thank you, you! For accompanying me.

This week i will attempt to do the photo collage on my walls. The one that sits on the table goes right there as well. The dust in my room is piling up, i am sneezing as i type this. Gotta go clean it up now. I do not intend to fall ill, i have a rather important weekend coming up. Stoked as hell and nervous at the same time..=/

2008-11-21T02:35:00.001-08:00

today i open my inbox to find song lyrics from someone. as random as it was, the person was so not random and neither were the lyrics.

You know I've got this theory, there are two kinds of people in the world. There are lyric people and music people. You know, the lyrics people tend to be analytical. You know, all about the meaning of the song. They're the ones you see with the CD insert out like 5 minutes after buying it, pouring over the lyrics, interpreting the hell out of everything. Um, then theres the music people. Who could care less for the lyrics as long as its just got like a good beat and you could dance to it. I dont know, somtimes it might be easier to be a music girl and not a lyric girl. But since i'm not, let me just say this. Sometimes things find you when you need them to find you, I believe that. And for me its usually song lyrics.

so i read the lyrics and was a tad bit lost cause i was making sense out of it. not that it was difficult to decipher cause it was pretty much in my face, straight forward. but i least expected this person to be the one sending it. however A said that there wasn't any agenda behind it and was just thinking of before. hmmm. well well, as long as there wasn't an agenda i'm fine :)

i'll be downloading the song now, Still Loving You by The Scorpions.

I have also decided that i am going to be spending all that saved moolah for a good cause next year on a nice trip, say next month or Jan. Phuket perhaps? My long awaited getaway. Full Moon Party? Looks like the saving didn't go to a waste after all! Though i'd much rather continue saving and go where i ought to have gone but going there will be like visiting the angel of mercy in the US of A. And the season of broken hearts officially ends in 2008, so hell no.

Bliss.

2008-11-20T08:51:00.001-08:00

Wake me up when it's spring time in heaven, when i'm strong enough to walk in that place, again.

Gossip Girls was so heart warming. I teareddd. :(( Why isn't Thanksgiving celebrated in Singapore?? There should be Thanksgiving dinners and family time with pre-christmas turkeys. It might just put me in the holiday spirit. With Christmas about a month away its about time i started feeling the hype of it all. Something tells me Christmas will be gorgeous this year even though i am pretty much in the dumps still. But i will come round, soon enough. If everyone else could do it, i can too. What don't kill a heart only makes it stronger, yes? YES!

I haven't started shopping! Presents, pretty dresses and random stuff. I don't even know what i want to wear yet. But then i saw pretty Pierre Cardin lingerie's when i went to John Little the other day with mommy. And the latest range is just tooo pretty not to buy. So must must must buy. Prior to Christmas there is Triston's birthday and we're going to shop for his present soon. Then dad's birthday the day after and i am so gearing myself up for ZOUKOUT babayeee! Woott woot! The 9th-20th better work out i tell you. The weekend better be left untouched lor. =/

OK so i have school tomorrow and its Journalism and Broadcasting. Speaking of which TVRP was quite scary today. i was pretty overwhelmed and i think there's more to be overwhelmed about in the weeks to come.

Movie marathon night tomorrow? It's been awhilee. And i have been neglecting my pool much. I neeeed to swim.

:D sweet dreams world for tonight i sleep with one less burden (but there's many more to overcome)

2008-11-19T02:55:00.000-08:00

ITS BEEN A TOUGH TOUGH YEAR FOR HEARTS.

well i thought i was done being emo right after that post. i thought i had found a slightly happier place, not my happy place but a place that was a tad bit happy. but the past three nights have proved to be a great challenge. quite draining you see so i need a conclusion. thats the worse you know? not knowing where you stand, sigh. i have cried my eyes out, again. bawled like a baby, just how i ought to and there wasn't any specific reason behind it. it just made the heart lighter and the ache go away. :))

anyway, term 2 of my school has begun. and the modules are way more interesting than the previous term. Public Relations, TV and Radio Production, Journalism and Broadcasting and Advertising. Got a PR essay to get started on already and i can't wait. Only because i like the topic choices. Heh, otherwise i'd sulk and procrastinate and never get started on it. So plus plus plus. TVRP tomorrow. I have school at 9am all week for the next 2 weeks can. Thats like no late nights and waking up early. And from Jan onwards school starts at 830am. And hell yeah it makes a lot of difference lor. pishh.

alrighty i need to walk the dog, have a stick or two and have my dinner. toodles.

xx

2008-11-18T16:11:00.000-08:00

Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometime your first scars wont ever fade, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin

Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin

Now I'm alive
and my ghosts are gone
I've shed all the pain
I've been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along

What don't kill a heart
Only makes it strong

It's the end where I begin

2008-11-16T05:08:00.000-08:00

Imagine a future, a moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know, it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you? - OBVIOUSLY NOT ME. cause for me it was YOU all along.

i'd like to say finally. but that talk completely defeated its purpose cause you obviously think that what you did should be condoned by me. I think it shouldn't be condoned by anybody for that matter. why deny it in the first place and later admit to it if you thought it was right? Just friends? My ass. Don't they all say the same thing? Friends with the intentions of some benefits, perhaps? Wellfuckingdone. You proved everyone right. All along there was this lil hope burning inside of me and it just died, in two seconds flat. You! this is just your effin' nature. When everyone told me i was being stupid, i shut them up. I said "no, all of you are wrong about him, I have faith..and you guys should too!" Now they are having the last laugh, cause i was the fool eh?

Those tears i shed, worthless. Being lonely these four months, worthless. All that money saved just to come see you, worthless. ALL i've did these four months, worthless. Hell all i've done these 3 years weren't good enough a reason for you to be the man you ought to be. Not what i expect of you but what any women would expect of a man who CLAIMS he loves her. period.

and you are such a pro at turning tables. you say I AM a pro at leaving eh? bailing everytime you made a mistake, well i made a promise..to never leave but that doesn't mean you take advantage of the promise cause you promised never to stray, AGAIN. if you hadn't broken yours i wouldn't have to break mine. the best part yet, you still think you're right. you're still not sorry..and if i did stay with you it will only mean i am okay with what you did and for everytime you do it. doesn't that spell F.O.O.L ??? That i am clearly one??

I am angry but it will subside. and if you want to live your life, go ahead..by all means. BUT please please please do not be selfish cause i deserve a shot at happiness too and if you aren't gon be the one to make me happy you shouldn't be the one to snatch that away as well. Like i said..don't string me along for your benefit. It's not fair to me in any way!

***
I come in here and I sit in silence and hear the echoes of who we used to be. And so I wish for patience, grace, and strength to just let him be happy. Mostly I pray for the strength to not make his life worse because of what I want. That's the toughest part, letting go. That's the part of grace that really sucks.

2008-11-14T01:57:00.001-08:00

meee lovee ! :))

ps: thanks for ruining my curtains jo. naddlesss i'll help you whack her, anytime. lisee we had more than 5 on your behalf, it even put nad to sleep! ;D

please schedule the next FUHC meeting, pronto. i neeed more healing. thank you.

2008-11-13T02:18:00.000-08:00

this has become my outlet. cannot make it liao.

anyhooo naddles and jojo muniandi are coming to me placee in a bit! :D its the Broken Hearts Anonymous meeting. I'm the new member of the fucked up ♥ club. Haa. lame i know but these are the things you do when you need to console yourself. wickedddd. lets sip on baileys, listen to coldplay (unless trance heals your souls cause it sure heals mine), star gaze and cry our hearts out. Naddles i don't think you need to right? haha. Lise three for you! (?????) wait round it up, make it five. You owe me. Hurr.

some other sleezebag has been annoying me major. you obviously do not get me half the time. you're effing nice but sometimes you misunderstand my damn intentions. wake up! open your eyes and look at the bigger picture will you? it might do you some good.

I need to go thread my eyebrows now, get some documents printed and have dinner. I can smell daddy's cooking as i type and its making my mouth water. smells like yindiann food! haven't had my daily dose in days. Eating out lately and i think it's so damn unhealthy, like i had the oiliest minced meat noodle last night and i did not even finish it but i must say it was that damn tasty. everything and anything unhealthy usually tastes goood eh?

ok i gotta runnnn. later tigers!

Xx

2008-11-12T00:02:00.001-08:00

shina saw the sunshine, but then it rained;
reminding her of him, she looked in the mirror, cheeks tear stained.
she closed her eyes and slowly took it all in;
but then, thinking of it all just seemed too much a fuckin sin.

a sudden dream as she felt his lips on her neck;
she wondered as she turned if she'd become a complete wreck.
then she faced him as he smiled & wiped away her falling tear;
he brought her close as she whispered 'where've you been, you silly kessler'.

That would be surreal. Cause i had this even more bizarre dream this morning. And i kept waking up from it cause i wanted to stop dreaming it but every time i fell back into a deep slumber it'd just continue from where it last ended. I was not enjoying it, though it was a pretty one i must say. I had a dream that Elvis and I got married. This was the first time in three years i dreamed it. I have talked about it, day dreamed about it even but never felt it like this. It was too real which is why i wanted to wake up from it. The simple gown, he in an all white suit. The minimal guest list mainly consisting my closest friends and family. Suren the best man, Lorraine my maid of honor. Me walking down the isle and i see Elvis looking at me from the altar and i get that warm fuzzy feeling within. It was beautiful. Up till the point where we exchanged our vows but there was no wedding rings involved. I found that weird. It's not like the rings were misplaced..but that whole part was skipped. It just went from the vows to "you may now kiss the bride." That was when i woke up. And i was lying in bed trying to decipher my dream. What did that mean exactly?

oh and did i mention how i am not a huge fan of the married life no more. I see myself very unmarried for a longg longg time. Well i will go ponder more. I need to clean the house and get out. Got my M5 tutorial to go for. I dreadd.

I'll give Ladies Night a pass tonight. I went to the doctor and he said most of my injuries were emotional.

2008-11-11T00:34:00.000-08:00

Time to clean out the skeletons in my closet, oh and you just happen to be one of them.

exactly how i like it. i am thoroughly pleased. changed by blogskin, lovesssss it! didn't take up much of my time even. i think this ones gonna be here for a long time to comee.

tuesday is here, 2 days down 3 more to go and then yet another grueling Saturday morning. Followed by a much anticipated chalet/BBQ with the rest. It was meant to be at mine unfortunately the pits are under construction amongst other things. Finally they've decided to revamp this place. thank gawd for that. :)) I shall be asking mommy if she can marinate some wings for the BBQ if time permits otherwise i've to make something on my own. I foresee a highly intoxicated night before my new school term begins. can be done by me. ;)

I have reset my cell phone time. it's back to the local. out with the mountain timezone. it saves me the little heart ache every now and then when i flip my phone open only to see the time and realize a new day has come and i do not occupy a minute of your day to hear from you. Hence its a lot easier on me this way..at least till i ACTUALLY hear from you? =D

2008-11-10T04:53:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday mommy! A year older but always wise. I don't think you can get any wiser than you already are. Haha. Anyway, i hope everything works out well for you and that 2009 will be a better year ok? Don't worry so much, you know we will support you no matter the outcome. And i will TRY not to be a constant pain to you ok? I know you've had enough with me! But isn't that why you loveeeeeee me?! Heh.

Thank You for everything. Especially the past couple of days..making sure i eat. Giving me a hug or just sitting down and talking to me. It makes it that much easier to wake up everyday ma!

I love you endlessly. HUGSSSSSS!

2008-11-09T08:23:00.000-08:00

I am feeling sad songs, for dirty lovers. I need to buy me a ticket to the end of the rainbow.

The trip didn't quite meet the agenda it should have met. The head tried but the heart did a good job of making my head wander back to some place it should not have wandered. I had fun, well here and there. If there's one thing i did not miss out on..it was FOOD. Couldn't miss out on that, could i?

So where was i? Well after all the thinking, i came to a conclusion. I am gonna wait it out and see where time takes me. I don't think i have anything to lose anymore. There's nothing much i can do if i am not granted the time i need. So i will wait, once again.

But please don't take too long.

2008-11-07T01:57:00.000-08:00

love the sinner. hate the sin.

you have to stop dancing with the devil. what pleasure do you get ? what the hell is happening? all i can ask is why? why now? why me? why would you? why didn't you? why why why? yet i will never get answers huh. you might as well put a gun to my head. heard your voice this afternoon, there was something different about it. the unfamiliarity. i don't know you anymore. i never did to begin with. you've been nothing more than a stranger.

*thanks jo, lis, nad and monss: love you all plenty..intoxication comes with a price eh? tears and more.haha.but thanks darlings! to the caracal boy (and inbetweens): thank you for playing me [shina] songs. they were lovely and cheered me up for sure. :D

2008-11-06T05:16:00.000-08:00

i swallowed my entire tongue stud whole! ball bearing and all. i didn't realize it till much later when i tried playing with it. it's the first time i have swallowed the entire thing ahh! And it was a new purple stud laaa! sighh

anyway i am gon take my bimbotic self out of the house tonight. intoxicate myself i shall. can't sit at home, otherwise imma go mad. like seriously. something needs to make me cry, i have enough reason to but im not cryinggggggg. NOT GOOD. i'm getting way too emo for my liking. this has to STOP.

2008-11-05T02:40:00.000-08:00

I HAVE AN ITCH THAT ONLY CHUCK CAN SCRATCH !

***
My room is in a total mess. I have been neglecting it for some time now and it needs organizing. Think i shall get to that a little later. Went for a swim earlier just to get my mind off things. I had the entire pool all to myself which kinda helped with my whole solitary mode. Of course the rain had to ruin my train of thoughts so i came up had a long and hot shower and here i am dreaming about Chuck Bass again. Does not help that i watched Gossip Girl last night before i hit the sack and he won my heart yet again. Move over Dan. and now i am totally rooting for Jenny and Nate! Why did he have to leave for the Hamptons!? Sob.

OTH next on my agenda. My nails need a fix. It looks horrid. I can't keep from biting it and it's in real bad shape now. MANICURE here i come.

Anyway, better a broken nose than a broken heart ? hmmm.

2008-11-04T11:18:00.000-08:00

You know, they say if you love something, you should set it free.
Ugh! They say when you hate something, you should slam the door in its face.

Here i am trying to focus but all i keep doing is doodling. Doodle, they should have an exam on that, i am pretty sure i will ace it. bleah. and all i see after i've filled my entire notebook is your name and mine. with random words here and there and my signature in between and oh fucked up drawings of broken hearts as well. Pictures speak a thousand words. In my case my doodles speak for themselves. Sian la, damn fucking sian. I need to get out. After this weekend and before my new term begins. I'll squeeze in something exciting. December 13th come quick too. ZOUK OUT is calling me name. Zouk out virgin can. Haa, laugh all you want, thats how deprived i've been the last 3 years and counting but not this year round. Hell no. If you can take all the time in the world to travel, go places and be out all night and day then zouk out is no big deal. Cause it's just about an hour or so away from home in the same country might i add. so quit the drama. cause i wish i could be half as restricting as you. but I AM NOT. fyi: i do know what i am doing. and like mentioned in my earlier posts its not always about you. Cut me some slack now love.

I am sickened. by pictures, blog posts and more pictures. it makes my stomach turn and my heart twist. painful much. call me sore, cause i have every right to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK IT.

2008-11-04T04:58:00.001-08:00

I know i tried telling you how i feel. at least i got it out of my system. its okay if you do not have the time for me anymore.

but let me know when you can fit me into your busy schedule. thank you.

2008-11-02T11:33:00.000-08:00

I have forgotten what it feels like. And i am not so sure i am bothered by it. I saw this one picture that i could have been bothered about BUT i am not so sure i am. Hell, i am not bothered at all. funny ah? I thought i would be. Screamed, yelled, fussed, fought and blown the roof off. BUT no, i am fine. I am officially being an adult about it. Too bad for you though, cause if it were me, hahahaha..it would have been an entirely different story now, would it love? :D you have my full consent and blessing. not that you need it. you'll do just fine, i know.

I guess it's gotta stop somewhere. It's gotta stop being all about you you and you. It's always been. But not anymore. The reason i have forgotten is because you don't make me wanna remember. And i guess i am fine by it. In fact, i secretly wish that two weeks don't come. I would be a much happier person wondering than to actually feel the torment of those two weeks. (ain't i such a cynic?) We try so hard to be positive but sometimes it gets you nowhere and i'd much rather be surprised than be disappointed you see. Cause ignorance is sure bliss.

Time to give me something to believe in cause i don't believe in you anymore.

____

"Save the cheerleader save the world!"

I have so missed out on Heroes. I completely gave up after how season 2 disappointed me, but the ratings and loyal fans of Heroes have made me think otherwise about season 3. so yes, i am back on track. YAY!

looking forward to saturdayyyy. wheeeee, time to indulge in guilty pleasure 7.8! ;)

2008-10-31T22:23:00.000-07:00

I got through the first part of today but lets just say there's more instore for me. One hurdle down and many more to go. I hope this works out as planned, i need it. very much. for myself this time! I've to get out of the house in 45 minutes. I have decided what to wear and am completely dodging traditional for something more practical for the after party IF there is one. I think i am losing that phase. Slowly. Hurr, it lasted an entire month prior to Diwali so its about time i started losing touch with it. And go back to the 'Ah Lian' in me. Back to my long lost Trance and Techno-siao. It's been tooooo long a hiatus from what keeps me sane. Yes trance and techno keeps me sane. I'm done with emo lyrics and sad tunes.

I'm coming home to you TIESTO!

Another month is here and this means December is nearing. I can't believe how 10 months just flew past just like that. This year clearly wasn't my year for sure. From school to my job and then back to school, but hell i graduate soon. My parents stood by me through it all, and i thank them soo much for their unending support no matter what the decision was on my part. Well i am looking forward to an awesome December and an even better 2009. The ghost of Christmas goth is coming to visit me soon. I dread. I want Santa instead! It'd be even better if he could transport my baby back for Christmas, but that's too much to ask for now isit Santa? :( Well Jan calls for a major celebration cause i get to see him. So countdown i shall!

Anyway did i mention how i have effing exams next week and then right after my new term begins. Bummer right? No breaks inbetween also. KNN. I need a holiday la. Seriously. Batam also can be do. Haaa.

I AM SO SICK OF FALL OUTS.

gots to go.

Raaka-TA! :D

OH HAPPY HALLOWEEN! (i spent it with the skeletons in my closet, it was fun.)

2008-10-30T03:09:00.000-07:00

You don't owe nothing to me but to walk away I have no capacity.

If you think it does not affect me as much as it affects you, you have been mistaken. It affects me a great deal. It hurts. I even shed tears this morning as I tried so hard to fall asleep cause it was painful being awake. And so it carries on, these random pangs of emotion that hit me. Sigh

I've been stressing out the last couple of days..exams round the corner. This weekend is packed. Beginning from 9am in the morning! I have so many things to do before sat comes, errands to run and places to go and get those errands done. It's already Thurs and I have all of tomorrow to do it amidst my studying. Grrr. Sunday, Sarah's place. And monday to study! and Tues is my HMC paper..wahh. cannot make it, really.

I better get back to my books now, cause I need to squeeze in my Gossip Girl a little later! GREY'S AND DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES is back too!! I think i'm gonna digg the new 90210 since i was a huge fan when i was way younger and following the old series. I think when i head down to the states for a month or two this is what i'll be doing. Glued to the couch watching all the series form CW and FOX! Now thats what i'm looking forward to.

I'm offf!

2008-10-28T16:15:00.000-07:00

You wrap your thoughts in works of art
And they're hanging on the walls of my heart

And though my edges may be rough
And never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours

You heeled these scars over time
Embraced my soul
You loved my mind

I know I don't fit in that much

But I'm yours

2008-10-22T04:56:00.000-07:00

I've been such a grumps lately and i don't even know why. I am about two weeks away from the rest of my exams, and mug i should. After Diwali that is. :D cause that is the one thing i am looking forward to. Quality familia time!

So there goes Halloween weekend cause i'm not gon be heading out. I'll be burning that, just like last year. I had a flight if i am not wrong, hence i was a flight attendant last Halloween, and this year round i'll be spending it with the skeletons in my closet! How exciting eh? My ninja baby however is gon experience his first real Halloween in the states. It's his first time actually shopping for a costume and he's going as a hot hot NINJA. pictures are exclusively for me. He warned me not to put them up anywhere. LOL. Only cause he's embarrassed. hurrhur.

Aruna is back in SG for Diwali. Which means i'll be getting my hands on all the purrty things elfie baby got me from the states. :)) My Oakley wallet, and bag, my Guess top and an Old Navy dress. VS has to wait! SOB! I wish she had packed him in her luggage instead. Sigh, but like mentioned i am counting down to Jan. I am kinda afraid to see him..its been too long! But its a good afraid. Not a bad one..well either ways..CAN'T WAIT BOO!

Alrighty, it 8.05pm. i'm off for a jog and a swim.

2008-10-21T11:11:00.000-07:00

Cause i am just afraid to open these eyes and give in to my pain, take back all your lies.
And i am just afraid to call out your name, look into your emptiness and capture how you've changed. And i still need part of you, did i make it hard to do?

I see the sunshine but then it rained.

Did you imagine long summer nights holding on to what we had which could have been the rest of my life.

2008-10-16T09:57:00.000-07:00

OMFG.

the frustration that is building inside of me cannot get any more immense. i swear, i could scream just to vent but then again i don't think it'll do me any good anyhow.

GRRRRR. spare me please, it's too drama for my liking and we're not like the rest anyway..we fuss, we fight, we argue, we bicker..but don't we also laugh and cry and be there for one another. which is exactly what you were trying to do, i am aware. but it seemed like something else in my eyes. still does cause it wasn't solely about me, was it? there is way too much you need to hear from me. not just what has already been said. but i had enough for today..i'll leave it for another time another place.

---

CAN'T WAIT FOR JANURARY! good news, wheeee. boy, do i love you ♥

2008-10-07T03:03:00.000-07:00

From a brown hue to a red head to a blondie in just a month. NOT GOOD, not good at all. BUT i happen to like it very much though the better half has not very nice things to say about it. (but whatever to that, for now..its not like i can do anything about it anytime soon)

so i went from this

to this..

AND YES YES YES I LIKEEEEEE IT ! *rollseyes*

i am not even gon begin on how you take the cake for making me feel like the ugliest creature on planet earth..so ANYWAY,

i have an exam come wed, a submission this fri and the stress is building up and i am about to leave the house to head down to the nice lil cosy cafe opposite my condo, to study and have me a nice home made iced tea accompanied by the yummiest souffle i have ever sunk my teeth in. well the point is i eat more when im stressed and eat less when im depressed. I rather be depressed than stressed cause at least i don't put on the extra pounds. and as of late..i so have :( pffft ! i have neglected the sun and the swim for a week now, so this weekenddd..im dedicating myself to the pool for sure. Soak up the sun, DETOX and tann. YES YES YES DETOXXXX!!

ok, gotta run now. toodles.

2008-10-06T07:21:00.000-07:00

HOPE YOU HAVE A FAB BIRTHDAY AND MAY ALL GOOD THINGS COME YOUR WAY !!!!!

i loveeee you! ♥♥♥

2008-10-05T22:13:00.000-07:00

the more i GROW the less i know

what if less keeps me content? what if i'm happy with what i have, and it's enough to keep me going? i guess i like it better now that i've put a halt to high expectations. BUT i still hope and i still have a little faith in me. its all i need and i know i will get through it..

SO, no i do not need people telling me otherwise. telling me i am stupid, i am stronger and that i deserve better. AND yes, just maybe i know all of the above, but i choose to want to live my life this way because i am happy. FOR ONCE, i am truly happy. as long as my heart does not ache and i do not shed a tear i think i am pretty fine, thank you.

third party opinions not welcomed. i constantly put myself in a third parties shoe and consider the situation however that does not help much cause at the end of the day its a entirely different ball game altogether.

SO BE HAPPY (for me) CAUSE I AM HAPPY.

2008-09-30T06:30:00.000-07:00

The F1 GP was drained every last ounce of energy from me, literally at that. Not gonna complain though cause I had a Ferrari good time, needless to say. However i'm disappointed with Alonso's win and what happened to Massa. Sigh, Hamilton came in third..so that will make up for it. I guesss, now i'm having F1 withdrawal symptoms. My weeekend was neatly planned and every minute spent at the Marina Bay Circuit was simply ORGASMIC.

Bought me some nice Ferrari merchandise - a female polo tee and a ferrari flag, thats for elvis. If i had more moolah on me, i would've got you the tee as well however i know you collect flags too. But i'll give you this in exchange for the Brazil flag..can? hehe

Well thanks to the lack of sleep and an overdose of alcohol over the weekend i am now drained and sick. The throats been burnt by the endless amount of shots, courtesy of Riaan and KK. Of course lorraine and i thought revenge would be sweet however their revenge was sweeter. asswipes.

well, i have my insurance exam to study for and loads of other assignments to complete before their due. I have the next 2 days free from school and it'd be perfect to catch up on my sleep and study. so off i am now...

2008-09-18T06:07:00.001-07:00

you know what surprised me? he remembered. something as peculiar as that. and also because he mentioned it so randomly. i could not stop smiling to myself after. i still am, thinking about it. and this led me to an adventitious thought altogether.

since there are unconfirmed plans of him coming down early next year i was thinking if we should take a short trip whilst he's back visiting. over the weekend, just me and him. it'll be like our last and only holiday away alone...together. I so want to, so badly. I mean yes, we will have all the time in the world when i go and visit, taking road trips and flights out. but thats WHEN i go there which will only be next year. It'll be nice to relive those moments in KL. I want to create new ones we can talk about years from now, like how you randomly brought up that one silly moment we shared out of a zillion others.

*ponder ponder*

i have an 'ANYTHING' about communications essay which is due this monday, and i am STILL researching, STILL procrastinating, STILL wondering what to write about. COMMUNICATION is so wide. I need to break it down..non verbal, verbal? intercultural communications? wtf. seriously.

i shall go torture myself now.

GET BUSY. KNN

2008-09-18T06:07:00.000-07:00

THE MUCH AWAITED COACH LEGACY HAS FINALLY ARRIVED. :D

THE KAYPO !

I LOVE IT. SIMPLY ADORE IT. COULDN'T STOP SMELLING IT. HA, FELT LIKE A

COMPLETE PSYCHO. I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE HEART TO USE IT JUST YET.

BABY, THANKS FOR SPOILING ME ROTTEN. YOU REALLY ARE THE BEST,

PAMPERING ME WITH GIFTS OF SORTS. I RECKON IT STOPS..DON'T WANT

YOU GOING BROKE CAUSE OF ME BUT I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN PAMPERING

YOURSELF TOO. HAHA, ME GOT YOU SOMETHING AS WELL, ITS ON THE

WAY TO ARIZONA NOW, SHOULD BE THERE BY NEXT MONDAY :)) HOPE

YOU'LL LIKE IT. IT'S TYPICALLY YOU. HURR HURR.

I LOVE YOU.

2008-09-15T01:02:00.000-07:00

all of the things we want each other to be we never will be, we never will be.

I don't know what to say. Yes you have made me feel this way before, when you were still here. It's like despite my best efforts, it was never good enough. I was never able to live up to your expectations. But at the same time, I knew deep down i was a good girlfriend. You never fail to belittle me. Don't get the wrong idea, but i can see you've been making an effort ever since you left. I'm not talking materialistic stuff. You can buy me all the fancy things in the world, but some things in life are just priceless. Your love for instance, if i could buy that from you i would. Unfortunately i can only earn it. And you make me feel like i'm not worthy of it. I mean, am i not?

I made this choice to be with you, and believe me i gain nothing from being in it for another 2 years esp with you being halfway across the globe. I could very well not be with you, live my life not giving a care what others or you think for that matter. One less person to live my life for, one less person to worry about, one less persons feelings to consider before i say or do anything. BUT and its HUGE BUT here..i made this decision. That its not even about all of that. It's about what we've shared, what we've created and nurtured. And no i'm not thinking that it's waste to throw it all away just cause you're going away cause a 3 year long relationship is no big deal these days. It's more like nothing will change the way i feel for you, and i mean nothing. No one. You can be there for the next 5 years (as much as i'd hate that) and i know i'd still be loving you the same. This choice i've made, i've made with thorough considerations. The repercussions and all. And i am willing to take that risk, cause if i don't then i'll never know what the future holds.

You can't prevent what you can't predict.

So do not make judgements and make me feel like i'm the worlds most useless girlfriend. I know i can try harder. I'm not perfect but i try, EVERYDAY. I make sacrifices and will do so with no qualms. But please understand my situation.

PLEASE baby.

2008-09-14T02:12:00.000-07:00

just shut up & drive.

I'm on to the 5th week of school now. There's so much to do and so little time left. I procrastinate far too much for my liking. I've been distracted much lately. For highly obvious reasons. Some times i feel like giving up altogether but then again i'm known to be a quitter. So imma quit being a quitter and focus on the bigger picture here. It's not like things are bad. It's just a damn state of mind i'm in. It's gonna be okay, i know it will.

The weekend was a quiet one. Went to accompany lorraine and Raj at his grandpa's wake. I'm sorry for your loss Raj. May your grandpa's soul Rest In Peace. We all know he's in a better place now, watching down on you and your family at this very difficult time. Cheerrr up! :)) I'm just a 10min walk away, if you need anything.

Mann, i have work tomorrow. Tutorial till 5. Grrr, work at 630pm. Dang dang dang! I really need a holiday. A good break. Now i'm wondering if i should go away next month cause it would mean i've to miss two days of school and its the week of my submission. And i will have to pass it to someone to hand it in for me if i decide to go on the trip which means i have to rush the entire thing. My mom oviously doesn't want me missing school. So now i'm thinking if i should just save the OCT 1st moolah and use it for a much much deserved trip with the crew in December over the weekend. KOH SAMUI? I want la. I neeed to check out the
Full Moon Party. Plus im pretty sure that by Dec i'd be mad out of my wits from the studying and exams etc. And a holiday to a nice beach resort with the friends will be PURRR-FECT. moreover our trip together has been LONG long overdue. The last was KL was it? goodness.

OKK, i shall not read too much into that and get meeeself distracted. But its making me HAPPY already. hehe

okk, me off to get started on my Social and Behavioural Studies essay liao.

2008-09-11T07:47:00.000-07:00

F1 GRAND PRIX HERE I COMEEEE !!!! :D

2008-09-10T21:48:00.000-07:00

HIATUS personified.

I'm still coughing like a mad biatch. I feel a tad better since Tues but the cough has just gotten worse and i can only think of one reason why that may be. bleah. blame myself, i shall. I need to take better care of myself, otherwise i'm never gon recover and i can't afford to be sick and miss school like I have two days straight. damn flu bug.knn. + + + i have all these assignments to finish up, exams in Nov first week. Study break end Oct. panic stricken. and amidst all this my mommy dearest is planning a short weekend getaway. but its not phuket anymore, cause of all the mess thats going on in Thailand so we're still deciding where. I am assuming its gotta be a hell lot nearer, and where might that be..MALAYSIA. but whatever, its quality familia time. so let it be wherever that takes me. :))

I'm one day away from getting my filthy hands on my gorgeous Coach bag from mine truly - elfiee baby. Can't wait ! and of course all these other gifts you've been pampering me with. and we aren't even celebrating anything yet. Unpredictable, you are boy. thanks for transferring moolah to me to go see the doctors earlier this week and insisting that i stayed home to rest. thanks for checking up on me in the middle of work to see if i had taken my medication and eaten. thanks for being a complete sweetheart. i love you.

i have work in a couple of hours and i need to eat and drug myself up. and have a mini driving lesson with KK and Raj at my condo. :) hehe. free lessons with a suzuki swift, that is SO NOT made for drifiting, thank you.

Ta !

2008-09-06T06:20:00.000-07:00

MY happy place is VERY unhappy right now.

'Veronika decides to die' at home last night would've been a much much better option. However, i don't regret getting out of the house spontaneously. :) Met and boogied with the girls after what seemed like an eternity. Everyone's at Amara tonight for a drinking session but i've opted out cause i'm way too tired and the alcohol is gon work to my disadvantage more than anything else.

So this is when a good DVD or a good read will come in play. BUT the damn weather is being a bitch. It's raining mad and i want to go down and get me a movie. So thank gawd, for the rental machine is 24hrs. I'll go when the rain goes down.

2008-09-01T06:35:00.000-07:00

SHOP-A-HOLIC ANONYMOUS

enough retail therapy for two months love. you've
done enough shopping to last you

half a year. But thanks for all the things you

got me as well :)) can't wait to get my

hands on them. tee hee. ♥

speaking of which i'm running out of ideas on what to get him for his bday/christmas and our 3 year anniversary come december. Since today marks the 1st of September, i realize we're THREE months away from the end of the year, can y'all believe it. How time flies. It's scary. It really sucks though. Cause that would mean i would've been 3 months away from seeing him too. I haven't quit lamenting you see. If you guys were me, you would too.

remember me mentioning Factory Girl?? well i didn't get head nor tail. It was a true story but i wish i understood it. Either that or i must have been really distracted. Hmm, but watched Oh in Ohio last night and it was hilarious. Kinda reminded me of me, hahaha. FOR NOW. always? rarely? OR never? RARELY. tskkk ! I get a high just thinking about it. yet another tsk tsk. okok, so out of agenda here. I got a manicure today, at a neighbourhood near me. hehe, 18$ for a classic mani, i thought it was worth it plus i felt the urge to be pampered a lil so went ahead with it. OPI colours are yummy right? i got a purplish black from the INDIA range. Such screaming colours.

I NEED A BOOK. i want to readdddddd ! wait, no if there's anything i should e reading now its my LECTURE NOTES. pishhhh !

okkkkkk, gotttta go. need to walk my dog..

HAPPPPY 2 AND 3/4 YEARS LOVE. hehe. ;))

2008-09-01T05:33:00.000-07:00

JUST FOR LAUGHS

10 people

1) Lorraine
2)Stephanie
3)Elvis
4)Priya
5)Vini
6)Vimal
7)Suren
8)Castillo
9)Natalie
10)Ariel

Who is no.6 having relationship with?
this is one a highly confusing question ! but after having read vini's blog im assuming it is still rekz?!

Is no.9 male or female?
very much female ! but part gay ! ;)

If no.7 and no.10 are together, will it be a good thing?
errr, they very well could be since they're always fighting with one another !! such loveee they have for one another.

What is no.2 studying?
Steph, she's a working women !!

When was the last time you had a chat wid no.3?
me baby ! err a couple of hours ago before he tucked in :)

Does no.1 have any siblings?
uhhuh. 2 older siblings, she's the baby in the family.

What kind of music does no.8 like?
anything he can groove his ass to

Will you woo no.3?
anytime, everytime, all the time. he has my heart !

How about no.7?
oh yes, why not? elfs bestfriend. haha

Is no.4 single?
very much.

What is no.5's surname?
Vincent Henry

What is no.4's hobby?
reading and writing

Do no.5 and 9 get along?
yesss they doo ! how can they not, part of the familiaa la!

Where is no.10 studying?
TP.

Say something casual abt no.1
BFF !! she's the most honest and trustworthy friend you can find. i love her to bits.

Have you tried developing feelings for no.5?
yes!! but i love silus more than i love her. sorry girl !

Where does no.9 live?
Tampinesss ! but currenly Admiralty right? heh

What colour does no. 2 like?
Purpleeeee like me :)

Are no.1 and 5 best of friends?
haha, no

Does no.7 like no.2?
wahaha, suren and steph? nope

How did u get to know no.2?
sec schooooool and lorraine !

Does no.9 hav any pets?
hamstersssss

Is no.7 the sexiest person on earth?
HELL YEAH. hahahahahaa

What is no.10's favourite line?
"pupu i love you!"

Do you think you will never hav a crush on no.6?
GAWD. never.

Does no.8 find you funny?
DUH !! lol

Will no.5 marry you?
perhapsss, she might.

No.9 and no.4 is drowning who will you save? (only one)
ohoh, natttt, ill have to save my sisss !

Express no.2 in one word.
ECCENTRIC.

Do you think no.3,4 and 5 will be by ur side for life?
yes. i truly believe they will !!!

Wat if no.10 and no.6 gets married?
HA. biggest jokes.com for sure

Will you kiss no.1?
yes! hehe

Do you love no.8?
yessss, completely adore him to bits !!

How abt no.5?
of courseeeeee i do. ;)

2008-08-30T10:34:00.000-07:00

HE CALLED! HE CALLED! :D

Ariel, Greg, Suren and Sherry came over for dinner made by yours truly. They gave my meal a thumbs up and wiped out my entire dinner table. And there was a lot to eat, so that was a good sign. (but i've to wait till tomorrow, in case they get food poisoning, heh) Just missed elvis there. All the jokes and stupid crap we talked about, it was pretty evident we were all missing his presence. But it was nice cause we talked, mostly about him. HA! bitching session about my boy. it was hilarious with my parents involved as well. Hurr. Elfffffff we miss you ! :(( Too bad you missed out on my home cooked meal. Its ok, when i stay with you for three months, ill cook all 90 days till you get sick of my cooking ok. INDIAN cuisine just for you.

I got to tann this morning. The sun was scorching and lasted all morning so i wasn't gon give it a miss. Went down to the pool and fell asleep for about an hour in the sun with my tanning oil all over and woke up to find myself quite burnt. Not literally in the peeling sorta way and i'm liking the tann lines. finally. Sunday tomorrow and i've relatives from my mommy's side coming over, so entertaining guests yet again. Then i'm gon study, got some research to do for TPSW and need to get my assignment groups sorted out before school on monday. Gotta visit elfs family this week, tuition and tennis with the girls (yes steph, get your ass down too!), all amidst school and my new workload. but i like being busy. keeps me occupied and less distracted from whatever else. One day to SEPTEMBER. another agenda to keep my occupied. but i dont know how i'm gon find the time la. maybe i should let it all accumulate and then watch it all at one go, when im freeee of course. which i reckon ain't gon be anytime soon. hmmm

i misss trance. haven't been listening to my itunes much besides whats on my mp3 on the way to school and back. and i neeeeeeed new trance songs, isos 8?? ha, i shall wait long long.

i realize i like spending my nights in watching my rented DVDs. Thanks to that 24hr DVD rental machine nearby. Watched Shutter (the english version) and i still think the Thai version was way scarier and better. Rented Last Kiss..a movie with Rachel Bilson. Didn't even know she was in a movie. Didn't like the character she played though maybe cause i'm so used to seeing her play Summer in OC. But it was a good movie with a lot of uncensored scenes. AND i watched it with mommy who questions me after the movie - "why do you rent naked movies shina?" not like i planned to can! haa. Went down with Ariel earlier and rented Factory Girl. Sienna Miller's init. Suren said it ain't that great a movie only AFTER i borrowed it. So whatever, i shall watch it now and decide for myself. Was eyeing The Notebook but it was already rented out la. Grrrrr,i wanna watch it again ! not only am i a TV-series buff, now i'm a movie buff as well. Without even going to the theatres. I used to frequent the cinemas much when elf was around and ever since he left it's just been me and the laptop with my many series and movies. But im happppy.

aiite, FACTORY GIRL time.

**the world ain't half as bad as they paint it to be

2008-08-29T08:51:00.000-07:00

TWO down, twenty two to go. BIG SIGH.

The weekend is here and my eyes are all heavy and i'm literally drained out. It's not supposed to be this way. I need sleeep, so badly. Plus i see myself spending most of my day in the kitchen tomorrow for i'm whipping up a meal for Greg, Ariel, Suren and Sherry. Haven't seen any of them in ages and since they haven't been to my new place, this seemed like the perfect excuse to cook. Greg already gave me ample warning and said the food had better taste good. OH! and it will alright ! ;)

Two weeks of school just flew pass. And the assignments are piling. The flood gates have opened. Grrr. Not good. I'm getting all worried and anxious at the same time. I shall ATTEMPT studying this weekend. However i just want to sleep my sunday away and catch up on the sleep i've lost this week. We'll see.

I have TWO tubs of ben & jerry's in my freezer la. i love donnie. thanks to him, i have choco fudge and cookie dough (my fav) yay yay yay! I'm gonna dig in and see whats interesting on tv and if there isn't anything..then CASHMERE MAFIA it is - I DIGG! should've watched it sooner.

ps: september is almost near. i can feeeeeeeeeel it. wheee !

2008-08-25T09:15:00.000-07:00

TENNIS.SWIMMING.BEER DRINKING.WINE 'APPREICIATION'.FAMILY GATHERINGS.GAMBLING.BONDING SESSION WITH THE FRIENDS.

now that pretty much sums up my weekend. me enjoyed every minute of it. :)))

school tomorrow and baby caught me off guard today, like completely, totally 100% !! and i'm all stoked and happpppy la. you really are a (closet) sweetie, i swear.

Distance means so little when you mean so much ♥♥♥

2008-08-20T02:35:00.000-07:00

MID-WEEK MADNESS

The first two days of school were goood. Social Behaviourial Studies and Dynamics of Mass Comm. I preferred the latter of course. Highly interesting, that would include my lecturer Jailani, haa funny man! Think i will be needing help with psychology though. I sense me being clueless about it, hopefully my tutorials help. Already got our assignment questions, speaking of which i've to submit my Team Charter sheet to Suma...JASON you know what to do hor? Since i wouldn't want Clara's help. (pun intended, still love you clara!)

Spontaneously met Rosh and Emz last night. A very rare chance, but we managed it after SEVEN long months. Since our last stint at Marina Mandarin. Hopefully we get to do one of those end of this year, since i will be around in Dec after all. :( I'm half happy and half sad. Means i get to spend Christmas with friends and the familia and it also means i don't get to spend it with the boy. A break to our yearly traditions eh baby? SIGH.

Anyway didn't have lecture today so i slept in till 12ish. Which would've been a norm if I had an afternoon class. But i've a long day tomorrow, TPSW Lesson 1 and 2. Bleah, why not just one lesson a day. Two of the same lectures?! I've an attention span of a goldfish. pffft !

Oh, me bought a new sandal and bag from Mphorsis yesterday. :)) Oh and nail enamel too, Anna Sui. The most expensive nail enamel i've gotten, 24 $. YELLOW some more. Me likee.

I FOUND A SHOP THAT SELLS MACARONS - Canele Patisserie Chocolaterie at Shaw Centre, just opposite Macs along MNG. It's beyond awesome. And they sell the most delightful desserts. You'll feel sinful just looking at them. Bought a box of 6 Macarons last night. SHIOK. The last two are stashed in some corner of my fridge so that no one else finds it. hehe. It's a serious eat, a must try.

Ok, i'm off for some midweek-madness, still contemplating but tuition first.

HAPPY MID-WEEK FOLKS. :)

My american boys NEW SEX:
The Acura Integra

MOVE OVER GREEN MONSTER, THE _________ IS HERE !

I just think it needs a few mods of course. Tinted windows and headlights, a change of rims and it'll look hot ! No need for a new paint job cause it looks just fine like this, plus its USA. No ones gon quite care about the colour. It's the driver that makes the car look good eh? Hurr. Of course you're missing me in the front passenger seat with you! ;) Ohh i miss the way you give me adrenaline pumping rides baby. Been awhile since i got my daily dose.

K i go dream k?

2008-08-17T00:34:00.000-07:00

I can still feel the after effects of last night. SER-IOUS-LY. i think i'm still a tad tipsy, thanks once again to TARGET. knn. me and my suggestions. =/ finished my lovely moet and continued the rest of the night with vodka. I OFFICIALLY hate vodka. yuck! i can still taste it in my mouth. my room reeks of alcohol! Opening ceremony for many more drunken nights by the pool. HA!

-lorraine & steffie, me love you two to tiny bits. we should rummage through boxes of old letters again. haha. MWAH !! -

oh got to see triston! steph brought him over, and he can't get enough of my cat. so cute the way he was squeezing her. (steph i want those picss!) missed him heaps.

aiite, im making this short cause im heading down for a swim, before the rain decides to come and spoil my lazy sunday!

SCHOOL TOMORROW !!!!!! :)))

2008-08-13T02:58:00.000-07:00

I kinda miss my old skin. I've had it since i started this particular blog, but at the same time i got quite sick of seeing it over and over.

Out with the ol' in the with the new. Kinda marks me moving into my new home as well. A whole new clean slate to begin with. We've created beautiful memories in this house we've made a home. As much as i hate where i live, these were the years in my life i will always cherish. Only wish he could be here to share it with me. With that said, i feel i've grown a lot since the end of '07 and the start of '08. I know it hasn't been long. None the less a lot has happened in a short time frame. First of all, i've never thought of myself as big-hearted or selfless. But someone recently told me that, "it's big of you to have made this selfless choice to live your life here while your other half is in another country altogether." It's a huge decision, and one you wouldn't want to look back at and regret. But i never quite thought of me as that you see. It was simple. I knew that him being here or there would make the slightest difference to me in terms of how i felt (despite the missing and all). It also means that distance was not gon' change the way i felt about him (while making the heart grow fonder). Inevitably my heart belonged to him, and he was gon be taking it with him wherever he goes. I knew right away that there was no point in staying apart from one another. All these months that we were apart for whatever reason, it defeated its purpose but taught us one great lesson. That no matter the distance our paths are meant to cross, yet again. I've learned that unconditional love goes a long way. I may still be young to speak of it, but i believe i've had my fair share of experiences to know what unconditional love means. And with him, it is and will always be.

___

okok, yada yada yada. I know everyone must be sick of me going on and on and on and on about him. But don't blame me, cause here's more. Hehe. He just got back from his road trip to The Grand Canyon and it's so gorgeous i tell you. I was watching the videos and seeing the pics that he sent me. Picturesque..But he's become so BLACK. Really. The sun must be working its magic on him, not that he needs to get any darker than he already is. Still had the cheek to say he's fairer than me. Jokes.com, reality check love.

So black and so short ! now he reminds me of casti. He looks like one secondary school boy can !

He took a picture of this cutiee, great fashion sense eh ? me like the lil shoes.

This is Aruna an old IJ friend of mine who's been sent there by the Air Force as well, rather small world eh !
SEE SEE SEE ! SEE how black he's become lor ! Sighh

Ok anyway there are a lot more pics, unfortunately i've gotta run for tuition now ! I'll upload when time permits. :)

Laterr, ohh and just so you know baby, i love you..no matter how black you get ! hurhur !

____

okok, i decided to continue uploading the pics here instead of creating a new post so...

Baby, i think you need fair & lovely !!!

There was OBVIOUSLY nothing to take here, but evidently my boy was being gatal by taking a shot with the two white chics init. COCK.

ok i would upload his video here, but i just watched it and i feel like puking. so shaky laa! wahh. think i need the loo after thiss..

2008-08-12T11:19:00.000-07:00

Same shit different day...

However i feel differently about today. It's a new day and things may not seem bright but they are right. I'm right where i need to be and that's all that matters. :) You make me a happy person and it happens so naturally. We may have our not-so-happy-moments, but at the end of it i know it's all worth it. Cause its YOU that matters.

Miss Vini sent me this song which i've seen her hear countless times on msn, Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade and when she sent it to me she told me one thing.."when you listen to it, imagine elvis singing it to you". I obviously didn't get it and questioned her intentions but when i heard the first line, it made perfect sense why she'd say that. I've been listening to it since and wanted to share it with him, unfortunately he's fast asleep and i'll only get to do so when he wakes.

***
It reminds me of him, really does. Love the lyrics, needless to say..

//The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you i'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may of failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

2008-08-11T20:55:00.000-07:00

The weather is inviting. its raining cold this morning and here i am awake and on my laptop. i'm going back to bed after this.

Only reason i'm up this early is cause elfie called me after what seemed like an eternity. so used to hearing from him everyday and i did not hear from him since saturday cause my babyboy went on a road trip to the Grand Canyon !! He just sent me a photo of him there, and it's gorgeous and he looks tiny with that picturesque backround. Hurhur. So cute la.

It's Tuesday and i've TWO days before i'm out of sembawang niggaz ! SERIOUSLY stoked about it. Doing up my room, checking out all the new electronics and furnitures, venturing my new neighborhood, gym-ing, swimming and what not la. yay! Still need to head to IKEA to get me some stuff. Checked out the 2009 ikea magazine and there are tonnes of things i want from there. But i guess i'll just go next week since it's so near school, and it'll be the perfect excuse to lunch and have my yummy meatballs and hotdog after school with the classmates. yes the glut speaks. pardon me.

okok, i can't sit here anymore. its colddddd, brrrr. gon tuck back in with The Little Prince.

Toodles.

//Weedsssss tonight ! finally.

**I need you so much closer

2008-08-11T02:32:00.000-07:00

BATAM TRIP DURING THE NATIONAL DAY WEEKEND with The Familia No. 2 was awesome by my standards !! :)) Loved every minute spent there. An eventful yet insightful one due to some random 2 hour odd talk with the elders. Haa, jokes.com I swear.

One down and two to go. Here are the pics...just some of it at least. We took 300 odd pics including videos, but these are just some. Heh

[Elf my love spending time with your family got me missing you :(( you were missed. much too much, got me thinking about our trip with your family the last time..sighh.]

2008-08-07T05:04:00.000-07:00

My pretty bubble's been burst. things cannot get any more worse, i swear. ever since my darn school time-table landed on my lap. school's not out till Feb '09. NEXT YEAR. no US trip come December or January even. I've no breaks in between other than study breaks before my exams near and that's not even a consideration. The only thing that's gon keep me going, is the fact that he might come back during Easter. All these grand plans gone down the fucking drain. I'm bummed out and i don't want to suck it up. This is so not happening la. This was the one thing i was really looking forward to since he left and that's been snatched away from me. UGH!

NINEdamnmonthslater. NO JOKE. knn

My heart, my mind, my soul, my body aches
A hunger for, the loving arms of your embrace
I walk along the lonely road

***

I'm off to Batam tomorrow. First thing in my list of 'August-excitements'. I don't feel up for it, but if i don't get out of this crappy mood by noon tomorrow everyone's gon kick me. Grrrrr. SNAP SNAP SNAP ! I'm off to pack and sleep it off.

Coffee, cigarette and talk will really help now, too. [on a slightly happier note, i passed econs.]

2008-08-06T09:37:00.000-07:00

time is a luxury you [i - ME] don't have ! or so you claim my love.

while showering i was just thinking, and thinking hard. i never quite liked the idea of having someone call me up via the phone just to wake me, i just thought of it as lame for the below mentioned reasons. I could never fathom why people would resort to wake up calls. Unless of course you do not have an alarm clock, but i reckon that if you do have a phone, cell phone then perhaps there might be an alarm of some sort in it as well? I mean i use the shittiest phone this planet has to offer..the one with an antenna (haha, ya so not funny la!) and it still has an alarm. AND if you can wake up to someone's phone call, doesn't that mean you're waking up to some form of sound. the kind an alarm makes, well close enough la. SO WHY? why would you get someone to give you a wake up call? Now to all those 'cupid-struck-lovers', the instant respond to that would be.."you're the last thing i think about before i sleep and i want you to be first person i think about when i wake (which should happen subconsciously if you ask me) hence i want to hear your voice, first thing when i am up." ????? BLEAH! really!!? ok here's when i come into play...

I give elvis wake up calls EVERYDAY. and i mean everydamnday. since i can last recall. Even when he was here, and i thought it'd end there. I mean he has his mom who sits at his bed, nudging him every five minutes to get up. (even if a bomb were to go off, elf would die in his sleep, sad to say) And when i'm at his place, his mom gets a break from those annoying inbetween5minswakeupnudges. that get oh so exhausting and make you want to strangle him. but do you call that love? (mind you, this had nothing to do with the above mentioned, we aren't one of those couples, thank gawd) who knows. perhaps. now that loveeeee obviously bridges from here to the damn united states of ARIZONA la. he is half way across the globe, and isn't it about time he be a man and learn how to wake up on his own? NO. perhaps not. See it just gets really annoying, with the time difference and how i have to set my alarm just to wake him up in the early hours of the morning (3 or 4AM) just to ring him. OR how i've to go to the ladies during work or be excused during tuition even. and its really ok, if he picks up within the first 2 calls or so. But did i mention how elf might die in his sleep if a bomb goes off? It takes close to an hour to get him to answer, hence i start calling early just so he can wake up on time. This eats into my sleep, and once again its ok now that i'm pretty much nocturnal but what about when i go back to school? His response, learn to live with it. (he giggles right after) HELLLO, elvis!! please ah, funny to you but not to me. If i made a deal with god and got him to swap our places i think you would've BAILED A REALLY LONG LONG LONG TIME AGO! HIRE someone. or if 2 effing alarm clocks aren't enough, get 20!! how long more. how fucking long more? what if i wasn't around(not that i'd have it that way), what if your mom can't make those calls?! ERRRRRR, your other girlfriends gon' make those calls? I highly doubt it.

I love you, but this. You call it love, but i call it madness, (its not even about wanting to hear my voice first thing in the morning, though most people keep telling me that that could be the only reason why you make me call you everyday, HELL NO, so not you!) in a oh so twisted way. It's been a month, and i love hearing your voice. But i also like you to be the one calling me, like when you've woken up,it's a lot nicer and doesn't eat into my sleep that much. YES, im selfish, but so are you.

I'm not mad. Just a lil upset at how far this has gone. I was just frustrated, hanging on the phone from the time tuition ended right up to Starbucks, in the queue waiting for my coffee, sat down finished half of it..amidst random talk still hanging on the phone and hearing the damn phone ringing but no one answering it. an hour later, i gave up. for the first time in a month i gave up calling. after all you're risking your job being late. I'm not to blame, often times i've been blamed but i'm not taking that shit ANYMORE.

with that said, i will leave this town just to sleep underneath your bed..

2008-08-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

Its scary how many times i've repeated the Disturbia song by Miss Barbados ! I'm not even her biggest fan, but the song's catchy la !

Sings:
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Hehe, madness can! Sri-ish aku gonna murrderrr you ! It's all because you opened your mouth about your MRS-not. pishhh. go on and take a bow..ok now i'm just being cocky already.

I finally met lorraine, raj, panty and the khairi's ! Over yummylicious seafood at Newton. It was nice catching up for sure. Steffi ditched us for Singfest! Biatch. I am so looking forward to the weekend after next (moet & chandon champagne moments with the babygirls). So much lined up and it's perfect, cause then school reopens and it's another thing i'm looking forward to. Me liking Augustttt already! My money making schemes are in full swing now that i've got two jobs, two tuitions and i don't think i can handle anymore cause when i do go back to school it's gon be hectic hectic hectic. But right, this baby ah, don't know whether his leave will be approved for December now. Such a bummer/party-pooper he is lor! So if his leave isn't approved then i've to just go in Jan 2009! 2009 leh, next year can!! WTF right? grrrrrr! Plus god knows what my time-table for school's gon be like. And if i don't go in Dec/Jan then there isn't a point in going altogether cause he comes back during EASTER. which falls on ME BIRTHDAY! yay yay yay!! Don't let me down k baby! must must come! and i really wanna be there on your birthday + christmas + new years +++ our 3 year anni ! *crosses finger* and prays that his leave gets approved.

anyway i didn't know i had a threeesome leh? when when when? wish i did. asswipe. at least then it would make the words coming out of your mouth THEdamnTRUTH.

Continues:
Put on your break lights
Were in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It's like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight ?
Your mind is in disturbia
Ain't used to what you like
Disturbia
Disturbia

September is gon be blisss, i foresee it. MY SERIES.

2008-08-03T12:02:00.000-07:00

Control your poison babe

Roses have thorns they say.

the facade; i've lost my identity.

2008-08-03T00:57:00.000-07:00

SHINA CHOPPED OFF HER HAIR ! [seee! i wasn't all talk and no action after all, though now i wish i was!]

SOBBBBBBBBBSOBBBSOBBB :((( I want my ohhhhh so longg and curly hair back, i just lost my identity!

Oh, such a drama queen i am, but it's my hair, i'll drama as much as i want! GRRRRRRRR!

GROW HAIR GROW!

fuck lahhh!

2008-08-01T00:54:00.000-07:00

The first of August is officially here [31 months and counting..], which means there are a couple of things to look forward to ! Wheeeee!

It's 4:15pm now, i got to shower and get out of the house NOW NOW NOW. Work! And Suren invited me for his 'gon-be-disabled-party' at DBL O tonight, which i'm not exactly up for. So i guess i'll just visit him after he's disabled, that way i'm being more of a true friend. It's not always about the booze and the clubs ! So don't make me feel guilty about it you asswipe. It didn't work.

There's a lot more in my mind but i'll leave it for another day.

Have a great weekend ahead!

This ones for you, scumbag ! Hurr ! [i should rot in hell]

2008-07-30T22:20:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon. looks like I had a good sleep after all! :)) I didn't sleep as early as i had expected but early enough by my standards. Was busy watching The Secret Diary of A Call Girl. I never knew that was a series from the UK. The whole accent bit got to me at first, but the first few episodes got me hooked instantly, it didn't matter after awhile. This ones definitely going down into my books of Guilty Pleasures.

There's exactly two weekends to go before I move, and my room's in a mess. I'm done with my wardrobe, books and miscellaneous stuff. Now is just my vanity side of the room, the make up, the accessories the bags, more accessories! I've been having the cold much lately, the dust in my room is invisibly piling up. It's soo annoying. grrrr!

Ohh anyway I am so so loving the songs from Coldplay's new album Viva La Vida. Especially 42 and Violet Hill, oh and Strawberry Swing too. Sounds like something you'd hear on The OC or OTH. Ha, thats what Sri-ish asked me when i said i liked the song 42 and he said "why you heard it on The OC huh?" Not every thing is about The OC Sriii, and that series ended such a long time ago, I couldn't possibly have heard any song from their new album on it.

Two purchases to make: Tiesto's ISOS 7 Asia Album & Viva La Vida !!

Needless to mention ISOS 7, hear it and you'd know what the hype is all about. The songs in there are chilled out, the beats and lyrics are great! Something different as opposed to his Ibiza mixes and other ISOS albums. (the song uploaded below is from his new album) I loveee it! Can't wait to hook up my all new sound system for my new room and blast hissss trance !

I'm SO gonna get kicked outta Orchid !

I just realized that the timing on my posts are all US timings. No wonder my post is posted as 30th of July and not 31st. Good evening baby !! Heh, speaking of which..

Two years and seven months at the stroke of midnight. =)) Heh. xx

2008-07-30T03:19:00.000-07:00

Beat beat beat! I'm just dead beat. or rather it's been awhile since I've been this busy i guess. Monday to Saturday straight, the only day i get is sabbath. Fair enough, i shall not complain because i wasn't forced by the neck to get myself this busy. I chose to and for a good reason at that too. :)

Work at mediacorp is fun! I've got a new project briefing tomorrow and work's till 10pm and home after. Had tuition earlier this afternoon, finally met my k1 kid. His name is Gabriel, and he's an angel! He reminds me of triston!! The big inquisitive eyes, long lashes but definitely a hell lot quieter than TJ for sure. And everytime i ask him what comes after a certain alphabet, he sings the entire ABC rhyme out. So adorableeee he is!

I've to leave my house in 15mins for my next tuition. I only end at 9ish and i think imma come home and crash!! Was asked to club but i'm so not up for the whole loud music and alcohol thing tonight. I want to go seeeee my newwww abodeee later - if time permits, mom said my room's been painted and the platforms donezoo! YAY!

**Tiesto keeeps me sane and alive! (of course you do too, babyface)

2008-07-27T10:39:00.000-07:00

NATIONAL DAY GETAWAY: BATAM WITH THE FAMILIA NO. 2 !

so its confirmed, i am going after all. I know i know, can't seem to make up my mind but well, i've been busy with all the packing and im pretty sure i'll be done by the time the 10th of aug comes. i have to cause im moving on the 15th ! So yay yay yay! looking forward to it, HOLIDAY INN Batam is super nice, the breakfast is the yummiest ! The SPA! oh mann, i need a massage ! and of course the company is gon' be great! Elfiee's family, VVVM family, Les&Alli's family, Cassy dearest and more i reckon! Wheee!!

11 more days !